Memoirs of a unibrow child: Or the book that will never be sold

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 30, 2009 . 12:57PM

I’ve been pretty up front about the idea that I think kids are growing up too quickly and I don’t like it. It’s not going overboard to say that I’m probably “one of those moms.” You aren’t telling me anything I don’t know. I’m aware that I’m stunting his growth.

Already, I’ve had the fantasy about his wedding and it’s not a pretty picture for me. It starts with me bawling throughout the ceremony, objecting that she’s not good enough (though she’s going to be a peach, if his tastes now are to remain the same) and ends with me attached to his legs and him dragging me down the aisle with them–him trying to kick me off like an uber-friendly dog who thinks he wants to be frisky.

No. It’s not pretty.

So, when I make comments about ways I think parents might consider allowing children to grow up, just a little bit, believe me when I say “I get it.” You don’t want your baby growing up too fast. However, there are some things in life that are too cruel to allow, even when you want that small bit of control and forcing your child to have a unibrow because it’s “too grown up” to fix it, isn’t kind. I’m talking to you, Madonna. I’m talking to my own mother, MOM. And I’m talking to every mom out there that thinks their baby looks cute when their baby looks like a yeti. It’s not funny. It’s not nice. And it’s not winning them friends or helping them socialize.

At 20-something, I deal with the small animal on my forehead every 2-3 weeks. Mine needs to be taken care of right now and while my personal grooming isn’t your business, I want you to know that this plea for help is a personal one. I remember, vaguely, children making fun of my unibrow as I was growing up. My repressed memories will only let so much come back to me, bless their hearts. What’s scary about this is that I didn’t understand what the problem was. I didn’t realize that my brows were an issue or why. To say I was sheltered was an understatement.

I grew up on a farm and it’s not like anyone ever said “Your brows are nas-tay!” When we moved, puberty frowned further on me and it all went downhill. Part of being a parent is helping to properly socialize our children. If you are down with the naturalistic approach, that’s cool. At least educate your child as to what is happening and allow them the choice. If you want to be in charge and say “No, I’m not going to allow it” that’s cool, too. Explain what’s happening, explain why you aren’t allowing it and allow your kid to have their say. And listen to it and consider it. If you still feel the same, explain that, too.

It’s not often I give advice, but as an adult who lived it, take it from the yeti: if our childhood has to be more complicated because of a decision you make, at least let us understand why.

Giveaway #2: A request for feedback

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 29, 2009 . 5:57PM

I’m a little over 3 months into this blog-writing thing and I’m feeling a little stagnant. New things are coming. EXCITING things are coming. I have a giveaway coming that will have not one, not two, but THREE winners (no, not today’s giveaway!). A designer, somewhere far, far away, is making a template for this blog that will be beautiful and will make blueshelled.com unique format-wise. I’m considering flexing some of my contact skills and bringing in some guest writers in the near future and there are other things that I would like to do in the future that are still up in the air.

For now, though, I want to focus on quality and make sure that I continue to write a post daily, that it is quality work, that my page is working and that I communicate with those of you that take the time to talk to me. Growing this blog is on my mind, but the quality of the blog comes first, always.

The last time we did a giveaway (another huge thank you to Linda Lee) was a great success. I got to read stories about your summers and heard things that took me to a happier place. I met new friends and got nostalgic with old ones. I think that I got more excited than some of you to be giving away free things and it’s encouraged me to find reasons to do so more often.

So, I was looking for a reason and I found one. I don’t want to be stagnant and I need your input. People are more inclined to give input if they have a reason. I have TWO reasons this go around. Let me explain.

A.J. loves to go to the cool, air-conditioned mall in the summertime. His favorite store there is the candy store. It is a small, Wonka-like kiosk, where he can buy 1/2 to 1 pound or numerous pounds of candy for a set price per pound. He loves to pick out different flavors of jelly beans. I love to pick out different flavors of chocolate. They also have balloons and ICEEs and gummy things of all sorts. I want to share the love. Two winners will receive 1 pound of the candy chosen by A.J. Special needs (allergies/likes) will be taken into account (see rules).

Here’s how to enter:

1) Leave a comment before July 3, 2009 at 5pm CST giving me your input on this blog. The input can be favorable (aspects you like about the blog) or constructive criticism (things that are lacking or things you’d like to change). Again, it doesn’t have to be good, just please say it nicely. YOU SUCK isn’t nice.
2) You can tweet this giveway and/or link it on facebook or your own blog for extra chances to win! Make sure you leave individual comments so all of your entries count.

Things to know:
**I only ship in the U.S. for this particular giveaway. This will not always be the case, so don’t despair, my international buddies. There are more giveaways coming soon.
**Comments posted after the deadline won’t be included in the drawing.
**If you win, you must email me your mailing address in order to receive your prize. When you email me your address, please let me know if you have any allergies and/or if you need sugar free delights. I am not responsible for candy that melts in the mail or any issues that may occur if you give me the wrong mailing address.
**I will be using a randomizer to choose the two winners of the giveaway. As long as your answer fits the criteria, you are eligible (unless you are me, Leon or A.J.).

Aging and the thinning of my stomach lining

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 29, 2009 . 2:49PM

I’m a fan of blamestorming. In case you haven’t heard of the term, blamestorming was recently granted membership into the dictionary:

blamestorming
(verb) : to gather and discuss who is to blame for a given failure
(noun) : a meeting held in order to come up with a name of a person to assign guilt to a certain incident

So, as I was saying, I was recently allowing my brain and my stomach to do some blamestorming and they have decided that THIS IS ALL MARTINA MCBRIDE’S FAULT. That’s right. That shameful woman placed a craving in my head for weeks that wouldn’t go away and I decided to just go ahead and stop it with the most effective means possible: fulfilling the craving.

Let me present you with the evidence. In Ms. McBride’s song, the effervescent, catchy girl-power filled tune, “This One’s For the Girls,” she states:

This is for all you girls, about twenty-five.
In little apartments just tryin’ to get by.
Livin’ on, on dreams and Spaghettios.
Wonderin’ where your life is gonna go.

Did you see it? Did you? The evidence is right there. Ms. McBride placed the idea of having them there, cotton-picken ‘Os in my head. And it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t.

So, as we walked through Walgreens the other day, lo and behold, the ‘Os were ON SALE. It was a sign from God as sure as he’d stood in front of me and passed me the ‘Os and blessed them Himself. I told my husband and son that they were for our son and placed them in the cart.

Honestly, I gave A.J. TWO WHOLE DAYS to eat them…while they were stashed away in a plastic sack in a cabinet. And, when he didn’t eat them, the heavens opened and I sucked those suckers down.

And then I paid.

Oh, I paid.

I’m so, so sorry. It wasn’t blessed by God. The sale sign was a TEMPTATION. Yes, yes it was, and so are Ms. McBride’s evil ways. Because, now that I’ve had the ‘Os, I’m mighty sorry.

As a child, I remember lovingly scooping these into my mouth and enjoying them greatly with no ill after-effects. That is NOT the case right now.

Your Honor, I’d like to request the harshest punishment possible for both the person who put the idea in my head, Ms. McBride, and the supplier, Walgreens. In the interest of the way society is, as a whole, I take no responsibility for eatin’ the ‘Os myself, as there was no warning on the label that those over the age of 18 should not consume these for fear of their bodies blowing up. Please don’t make me go into details about my pain and suffering. If you’d really like to know, the ‘Os are still on sale down at your local Walgreens and, boy, they sure are tasty.