Aging and the thinning of my stomach lining

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 29, 2009 . 2:49PM

blamestorming
(verb) : to gather and discuss who is to blame for a given failure
(noun) : a meeting held in order to come up with a name of a person to assign guilt to a certain incident

So, as I was saying, I was recently allowing my brain and my stomach to do some blamestorming and they have decided that THIS IS ALL MARTINA MCBRIDE’S FAULT. That’s right. That shameful woman placed a craving in my head for weeks that wouldn’t go away and I decided to just go ahead and stop it with the most effective means possible: fulfilling the craving.

Let me present you with the evidence. In Ms. McBride’s song, the effervescent, catchy girl-power filled tune, “This One’s For the Girls,” she states:

This is for all you girls, about twenty-five.
In little apartments just tryin’ to get by.
Livin’ on, on dreams and Spaghettios.
Wonderin’ where your life is gonna go.

Did you see it? Did you? The evidence is right there. Ms. McBride placed the idea of having them there, cotton-picken ‘Os in my head. And it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t.

So, as we walked through Walgreens the other day, lo and behold, the ‘Os were ON SALE. It was a sign from God as sure as he’d stood in front of me and passed me the ‘Os and blessed them Himself. I told my husband and son that they were for our son and placed them in the cart.

Honestly, I gave A.J. TWO WHOLE DAYS to eat them…while they were stashed away in a plastic sack in a cabinet. And, when he didn’t eat them, the heavens opened and I sucked those suckers down.

And then I paid.

Oh, I paid.

I’m so, so sorry. It wasn’t blessed by God. The sale sign was a TEMPTATION. Yes, yes it was, and so are Ms. McBride’s evil ways. Because, now that I’ve had the ‘Os, I’m mighty sorry.

As a child, I remember lovingly scooping these into my mouth and enjoying them greatly with no ill after-effects. That is NOT the case right now.

Your Honor, I’d like to request the harshest punishment possible for both the person who put the idea in my head, Ms. McBride, and the supplier, Walgreens. In the interest of the way society is, as a whole, I take no responsibility for eatin’ the ‘Os myself, as there was no warning on the label that those over the age of 18 should not consume these for fear of their bodies blowing up. Please don’t make me go into details about my pain and suffering. If you’d really like to know, the ‘Os are still on sale down at your local Walgreens and, boy, they sure are tasty.