by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 27, 2011 . 2:35PM
Normally, after reading a book, I allow myself a week or so to process what I’ve read before I write a review. However, every now and then, I’ve read a book that has consumed me in a way that I feel that I must, MUST, write about it and let others know that it affected me and that if they are looking for something to read they should consider finding this book the minute it comes out and allowing it to consume them, as well. Mothers and Daughters by Rae Meadows is one such book.
In Mothers and Daughters, 3 generations of women are examined in a work of fiction to see how the secrets we keep impact our relationships upon one another. Patterns of behavior are found and the stories that we never tell are told to the reader in a way that makes us long to tell the characters what they have missed about their loved ones. The story begins with Samantha, a great-granddaughter who is struggling with the separation anxiety a new mother faces when she has to let go of her child for the first time. The story flashes to her great-grandmother Violet’s childhood and then back to Violet’s daughter (Sam’s mother), Iris during her last month’s of life. Each of the stories takes place during a vulnerable place in the life of the woman and it is compelling to read their thoughts.
Usually, I tend to relate to the woman in the story that has the most contemporary story, however, Violet’s story, by far, had the siren song in this novel. A woman that Sam saw as withdrawn and plain, Iris saw as non-emotional and unable to express herself, had an incredible story that I couldn’t wait to read. There were times I found Sam’s story very hard to read and relate to her as I wanted her to have better judgment and rely less upon her child. Iris’ story was bittersweet.
Overall, this story was difficult to get into, as stories with multiple main characters usually are, but once in I found myself swept away into their world. It was almost too short for me and I rarely feel that way about a book. I wanted to know more about their stories and feel more with them. It was a beautiful telling of the way our pasts and our futures intertwine.
*Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in order to review it. Thanks for allowing me to read this book and share my thoughts on it with others!
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by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 24, 2011 . 11:55PM
I’m in a profession where I can’t talk about the people I work with on a daily basis. However, recently, one of my clients passed away. A little over a year ago, she sent me a forward and every time I read it, it reminds me of her and I laugh and laugh. This is NOT something I wrote and I tend to avoid using the work of others in my blog. However, I cannot express what I need to express about her passing, so I’m going to share this with you and ask that you have a laugh on her. She will be truly very missed.
In memory and in honor of a brave, lovely woman who loved to laugh and who made the world a better place just by her presence.
What A Real Man Does…
A real man is a woman’s best friend.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible……..
No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine. That’s what wine does…
Never mind…
by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 22, 2011 . 9:16PM
When should I let go of a friendship? This question is a hard one that I’ve asked myself so many times in my life that I truly don’t remember the first time I thought “this isn’t working, I’m not happy and this has to stop.” What I do remember is that I generally have allowed my friendships to get to that point where I have begun to feel trapped in that friendship and I have realized that I no longer want to be in any kind of relationship with that person, including as an acquaintance. All of this could have been fixed with some simple communication on my part, on their part, on both of our parts, but it hasn’t happened, or it happened with little results or no long lasting results. Ultimately, my stomach turns, my anxiety increases and it is in my head that…
…it’s time to break-up.
Is that a little dramatic? It sounds like a romantic relationship, right? A new friendship can be as exciting and as intoxicating as a new romantic relationship. It doesn’t mean you are in love with that person, but it activates similar levels of dopamine and you feel that same dopey feeling of, “Gosh, aren’t they just wonderful? I want to spend more time with them. I wonder what they think about…” When you’ve found someone that shares common traits and activities, it can lend something fresh to a life that may feel stale. However, just like every other relationship, it will age and it will either age like a fine wine or it’s going to age like last week’s tacos. I have some amazing friendships that are like wine bottles I have yet to open. They just keep going and I sometimes wonder if the shoe is ever going to drop…and it never does and it just keeps being wonderful. These aren’t the relationships I’m talking about today.
Today, we’re going to talk about tacos and when it’s time to toss ‘em.
First, it’s important to examine what you’re giving to your relationships. Are you giving it everything you’ve got? Most of us aren’t. Who has time to give a friendship 100% of their life? Most friends aren’t asking for 100% and that isn’t something that should be expected. However, if you are the one who is always going over to their house, who is always the one listening to their problems, who is always being the one to put forth the effort…you’re having last week’s tacos and it’s time to re-evaluate the purpose of this friendship.
People are not solitary. I’m an introvert, by nature, and generally I can spend quite a bit of time on my own and do so happily. Yet, there will always be a pack mentality within me that propels me to get out there and make friends. Call it evolution, call it “getting out my talkies,” call it whatever you want. People need friends for support and love. If you don’t have it, you want it. If you have it, but the other person gives you nothing in return, you are in a friend deficit. You are doing the giving, you are receiving nothing in return and…I’m sorry, I missed the point of the friendship. What are they adding to your life again?
What are some signs you have a taco?
-When that person calls, you are available and you let it go to voicemail.
-You consider what to do in your free time and that person doesn’t cross your mind.
-The thought of spending time with that person makes your stomach hurt, your heart race or makes you grit your teeth.
- You can’t trust that person and you wonder, quite frankly, if they have your best interests at heart.
-You think they might be using you for something you have: money, skills, a ride, who you know, what you’ve got.
-They stir the drama. These people will eventually come around to stir you into the pot.
- When you try to tell them something that is bothering you, they may give you a token amount of time, but they will not allow you talk until you feel better. They have no problem cutting you off when THEY are done.
-Even when they know something is important to you, you have to remind them it exists. (Like a blog!)
-When you try to include them in your life, it only happens when they have downtime. You are NOT someone’s downtime.
- They allow a boyfriend or girlfriend to take precedence over a longterm friendship.
- They constantly argue with you over things that don’t matter; Being right is more important than being harmonious.
- They take your life personally. This can be in the form of your being sick and not showing up to hang out must mean you don’t care about them all the way to you not taking their advice means you think they are stupid.
- They judge how you do things such as parenting your child or choosing a job. We are not talking about someone who carefully helps you work through things. We’re talking flat out judgment.
- They don’t care if they hurt your feelings and they speak before thinking.
- They just aren’t as mature as you are and you’ve outgrown the relationship.
Ok, I could really go on and on and on with this forever. This is a small sampling of symptoms of a larger issue. We must learn how to trust our gut when it says “it’s over, let it go” because when we decide to let go we free ourselves from something that feels unhealthy to us and allows us to be available for something amazing to come our way.
Trust yourself. Toss the tacos.
by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 21, 2011 . 2:53PM
When I read Veil of Roses, the first book in this series, I was captivated by the story of Tami Joon. I watched her navigate the complex system of what it was like to be a foreigner in America and avoid deportation. So, when I learned that Laura Fitzgerald had decided to write a sequel, Dreaming in English, to tell more of Tami’s story, along with Ike, Maryam and other characters from the first book, I was more than excited to get my hands on it and read how this story progressed.
When we last left Tami, she’d narrowly avoided deportation thanks to the heroics of her new husband, Ike. He swept in on the proverbial white horse and saved her by a marriage born out of love and not necessity…well, it was a little necessary. Without their marriage, Tami would be deported, and this is the focus of the second book. Tami and Ike’s marriage causes problems with Ike’s family and a surprise visit from the “one that got away” changes everything. Ike’s family balks at what they perceive as a fake marriage, Ike’s dreams for his own coffee house are shattered and the government protests their marriage, which threatens Tami’s status in the country. Will she be allowed to stay in the country she loves so much or will she be deported as her mother was?
Ultimately, the characters are still well-developed and lovable. They are dynamic, though there seemed to be less humor in this book than in its predecessor. I found myself missing the friends of Tami’s from her English class and sympathizing more with Ike’s family than I’m sure the author intended. Tami’s ignorance of the way the government worked and Ike’s inability to empathize made me feel like neither of them were very likable in this book. The end felt cliched and too pretty for me. Everything was tied up in a neat little bow and lacked realism. When I was done, the feeling I was left with was that I’d just experienced Legally Blonde 3 and not the great sequel I was anticipating.
This was a disappointment after the first novel. If you haven’t read it yet, stick with “Veil of Roses” and allow yourself the option of dreaming your own ending to Ike and Tami’s story. You’ll feel better about it.
*Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in order to review it. Thanks for allowing me to read this book and share my thoughts on it with others!
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by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 20, 2011 . 12:02PM
When Nashville was flooded at the end of April last year, it shook the community. Strangely enough, Nashville didn’t get much national media coverage, nor did we receive very much financial assistance from outside sources. Celebrities outside of Nashville didn’t rush to hold telethons to help us nor did the President rush in to assist us. Rather, the people in Nashville pulled together to work as a whole and fix what was broken. The celebrities that lived here put on concerts to assist in relief efforts, or donated cash to help out, and the Nashville flood went quietly into the record books.
Except it didn’t. We just aren’t whining about it. It’s still affecting people here, almost a year later. Insurance companies rushed to deny people coverage and avoid responsibility. People lost homes, businesses and their lives. Some haven’t recovered, may never recover, from the trauma of a rain that came on with less than a couple of hours notice.
In the face of adversity, there are signs of character, however, and sometimes it is important to note that character when it is seen, because it can be so rare. In my small town of Franklin, TN, there was an area of town where the businesses and homes faced extreme devastation. While all of those people and places deserve mention, there is something in particular I feel is important. Our Sonic burger joint was destroyed. It was shut down for almost 8 months because there was just no way they could make the old building work after what happened to it.
You may believe there is nothing important as to a business being shut down and rebuilt after a flood. Here is what makes it special. The other evening, I was sitting and watching my son play Little League Baseball. The people that make his baseball, and the baseball for this entire community, happen, have had extreme difficulty finding sponsors. It seems that with the flood and the economy, people just aren’t willing to reach into their pockets so little kids can play baseball. Businesses have to run and make a profit and all of those things, so when it comes down to it, sponsoring a little kids baseball team might not mean much to a local business facing the adversity of the economy. When gas is $3.49 a gallon (at last check), decisions have to be made. I get it.
However, those children feel the burn of the economy, too, as do their parents, and trust me when I say that the parents are very aware of who the sponsors of these teams are and what they are doing for the kids. So, as I sat there watching my precious cargo smile and throw a ball and learn how to play on a team and laugh, I looked at those sponsor signs and smiled. I chose to eat at Jet’s Pizza that night because they sponsored the Franklin Baseball Club. As I looked around, however, I noticed there were a plethora of signs from…Sonic?
Truly? I knew the local Sonic had been a huge sponsor in seasons past, but they lost everything last year. How could they afford to stay in the game this year? Not only did they sponsor the teams, but they also placed brand new signs (much needed!) designating the visitor and home sides on each and every bullpen. My eyes blurred with tears and I thought about the sacrifices people make to help others when things are not easy for them and it made me realize that for all the people that have not moved forward, some have done so spectacularly.
My local Sonic has done amazing things. They have rebuilt with a gorgeous building and landscaping, the food is actually better than it was, the service more prompt and I enjoy going there a lot more now. I will be giving them my business as much as is possible because I know that they support my son, my community, and myself. It’s important to support the places that are willing to stick their necks and their pennies out there to make the community a better place for all of us. They are investing in our kids.
Thanks, Sonic. I want you to know, today, that I appreciate what you are doing to make it possible for my kid to play this season. They didn’t have enough sponsors and when that happens, kids don’t get to play, like my son didn’t last fall. Thank you.
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Normally, after reading a book, I allow myself a week or so to process what I’ve read before I write a review. However, every now and then, I’ve read a book that has consumed me in a way that I feel that I must, MUST, write about it and let others know that it affected me and that if they are looking for something to read they should consider finding this book the minute it comes out and allowing it to consume them, as well. Mothers and Daughters by Rae Meadows is one such book. 
Life is like a game. We all have challenges, thoughts, opinions and beliefs. Often, it feels like something out there, life, karma, catty people, or blue shells (for the Kart lovers), seeks to bring us down. Luckily, we always get up. This is where I wear my heart on my sleeve and my foot in my mouth.
