It’s hard to let him grow up

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 20, 2011 . 4:11PM

It’s been difficult for me to write anything substantial as of late. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the one thing I’ve been focusing on tremendously is that my son, A.J., is 10 years old now. This year, he moved up from elementary school and there is little I can do to stop his growing up. He’s 8 years from official adulthood and when it kicked in, roughly 3-weeks ago, the regrets and the guilt overwhelmed me.

Every mother suffers from “the grass is always greener” syndrome. Those of us that went back to work or school eventually come to realize that we wish with all of our hearts we’d stayed home with our kids. Those of us that were stay at home moms have days we wish with all of our hearts we could just get out of the house for a little while. I was the work and school mom and during this time period emotions flooded me in that I didn’t do enough “stuff” with my kid. He’d invited me to his school for events repeatedly and frequently I didn’t go. Sure it was sometimes because I had things that had to be done, but sometimes it was because I was just tired and felt like I needed time to myself.

I can’t get that time back and it was pervasive and overwhelming to me. The week before he went back to school this year it pierced my heart so hard that I began to cling to him and struggle with the idea that my son was going to grow and change and, with that, so would our relationship. The little boy in him is already almost gone and a tween is taking his place. I combed the internet for other mothers that felt this way and mainly hit articles that talked about the empty nest syndrome and mothers feeling this way right before pre-school and right before college. Rarely did I see a mother that was hitting it around the time I was and it concerned me.

It is now 3-weeks into his school routine and I’m finally starting to be ok with our change of events. I went back into my journal and realized that every single year of school I struggled with him going back, just not to the extent that I struggled this year. He is adjusting and so am I, mainly with his support and love. He’s still a 10-year old. A tall 10-year old with a lot of opinions who I feel is growing too quickly, but he’s a 10-year old boy who loves his mother desperately and who understands that mothers sometimes have trouble with their kids growing up. Thank goodness for empathy and compassion in children.

As we get back into school and baseball and life moves forward, I resolve to do better. I resolve to be as involved in A.J.’s life as he’ll allow as well as striving to continue with healthy boundaries between us. I strive to finish my education and create a healthy balance with my home-life and try to be more understanding with myself and others. I strive to allow him to grow and learn and be the best man he can be…because that’s my job…as his mom.

Book review: Everything We Ever Wanted: A Novel by Sara Shepard

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 19, 2011 . 10:58PM

Lately, it seems like the books I’ve been given to review contain a cast of unlikable characters who are riddled with flaws in an attempt to be dynamic and real and the bottom line is that I often read for escape and isn’t life hard enough? In Everything We Ever Wanted: A Novel by Sara Shepard, we are given a brief glance into the life of the Bates-McAllister family and I’m not sure I could take much more than a glance. People have problems and in no small amount and the people you might believe have the fewest might be hiding the most.

The Bates-McAllister family has recently lost their patriach, James, in an unexpected way. Their matriach, Sylvie, feels the weight of the world upon her as she comes to grips with the person she thinks James has been throughout their marriage and the secrets that are now being shared about him in his death. In the novel, she learns that the people you surround yourself with are not necessarily your friends and the family that you choose to shun just might be those that save you.

We are also introduced to Charles, James and Sylvie’s biological son, and his wife, Joanna. The book reveals that their relationship began tattered and has continued to shred with both looking back on the life they had before one another and the life that might have been had they not chosen one another. The secrets they have kept from each other threaten to tear the marriage apart and their saga was of the few parts of the story that left me vaguely unsettled. The end of the novel left loose ends where they were concerned and it seemed like they were glossed over to address Sylvie and her ability to move forward in life and how Scott progressed.

Scott is the inevitable center of the novel, though the premise of the novel is supposed to be the family. Scott is the adopted son of the family, a mixed-race child who has brought grief to the family since they adopted him at 18-months. In a stunning turn of events, it may be Scott that has the most heart and love and concern for his family members as each of their true motivations is revealed.

I’m still not sure I found a likable character in the bunch and the ending of the story still left me confused as to what was happening and why I should care for these people, however, sometimes you just have to enjoy the journey. I felt like the ending was rushed and thrown together, but the novel moved at a rapid pace until that point and I enjoyed reading it. There was just enough suspense throughout the book to keep me interested and I kept hoping for some redemption. This is another novel that highlights that, at times, people are highly unlikable in bad circumstances but can persevere with hope.

If you prefer a tightly bound ending that answers all your questions, this book won’t work for you. If you are alright with some ambiguity, give it a try.

Disclaimer: I received this book for free to review it. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my opinions with others.

A great new site for kids: Galactokidz.com

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 17, 2011 . 8:20PM

I frequently get emails from sites that want me to promote their products on this website. I pay for my hosting and server stuff so I rarely post about stuff and “give away” free advertising unless I truly believe in something. I think most mom blogs feel the same way and we are pretty protective over what we will allow on our pages.

A little over a week ago, I received an email from the makers of the website Galactokidz.com telling me how it’s an interactive place for tweens that want to chat, completely COPPA compliant (above and beyond their standards, actually), and how it’s a safe haven for kids that want to play games, make friends and chat safely. I receive lots of notices about sites like these and I do take the time to check out the sites that come my way. This one was intriguing to me because it’s still in beta and there are a lot of great features.

What I like about Galactokidz.com was that, as a parent, I have full access to what my kid is doing when he’s on the website. There are moderators on the site at all times, also known as tour guides, so if the kids have questions they can feel free to ask. Also, my son feels safe and comfortable navigating the site and making friends there. Because it’s still in beta, there is no cost for my readers to join now, though there will be a cost in the future.

I’ve let AJ play this for the last week and he’s been hooked on it. The rules are very clear in that children are not allowed to talk about specifics about their lives and it honestly makes the site more fun for them and less stressful for me as a parent. AJ hasn’t had any difficulty with it and he has enjoyed being about to talk to other tweens about his day, their favorite sports, and their favorite games on the site. The consistency of having the tour guide there every day provides the consistency of having an adult for some kids that may not have one.

At one point, I logged on to grab a picture for this post and let AJ know that tour guide was the only one hanging out in a room and he immediately ran to get his computer because he didn’t want “tour guide” to get lonely. While there are plenty of bad things about chat rooms, they can also endorse empathy and help children learn how to relate to other people. There is no profanity allowed and children are held to strict boundaries while on the site and those are enforced. Children excel when given boundaries and they feel safe with them. This site gives them the opportunity to experience friendship within friendly boundaries.

So far, I can’t find any downsides to Galactokidz.com. As with all websites, keep a close eye on your kid, don’t allow them to give out personally identifiable information and be aware that at some point the site may charge for access, so if that happens, you may choose to disable your child’s account. What a great opportunity for the young ones that don’t have sites like facebook to be like their older siblings!

Book Review: The Lantern by Deborah Lawrenson

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 16, 2011 . 6:00PM

In a rare occurrence, I have found a novel that took me over a month to read. The Lantern by Deborah Lawrenson was so vivid with material and imagery that I simply could not take it in all at once. I found myself setting it down after a couple of chapters, of which there are many, to take in what I had just read like the richest of chocolate. It could not be consumed in a short amount of time, which has left my other novels bereft on my nightstand like forlorn playmates.

The Lantern is an astounding novel that centers on the lives of two women, Benedicte and Eve. Benedicte lives through the early part of the 1900′s until early 2000 and Eve’s story takes place modern-day. Their story interweaves at a common home set in Provence where mystery surround both women. Eve spends her days lazing in the beautiful home and discovering its treasures while trying to figure out Dom, the man she lives with, but barely knows. When a woman from the village, Sabine, alludes that Dom might have a dark past, Eve’s carefree ways turn to a desperate hunt for the truth that leads her to Benedicte’s past.

The two stories are blended together nicely, though it took me a bit to get used to the constant back and forth between them. It wasn’t until Part 2 of the book, roughly 50 pages in, that I felt like I settled into the novel and truly began to let my mind wander into the book and characters and in the last 50 pages really cared about them as characters. However, what kept me involved was the beautiful images of Provence and what I could image was taking place. The book is well-written but not for those that need a fast-paced story. This book is a crockpot, not a microwave. It simmers throughout when, at the end, all is revealed in such a way that the reader may have guessed what had happened, but it is doubtful that they understood the motivation behind it. A solid novel and an excellent ghost tale!

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book to review. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts on this novel!

Recipe: Cream Chicken Enchiladas

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 5, 2011 . 10:24PM

I got this from Cooks.com, but it’s not mine and I don’t take credit for it. I made it tonight and my son proclaimed it “alright!” Frankly, I think it is a little rich and if you are going to make it, it probably needs some nice sides to take some of that richness out. I’d go with corn and some tortilla chips.

Sharing the love. Which is not mine. Seriously, I’ve modified it a bit to make it more tasty to me, but I didn’t come up with this and I don’t want to plagiarize.

CREAM CHICKEN ENCHILADAS

1 pkg. flour tortillas
1 pkg. chicken breasts (I like the thinly sliced kind to make it easier to shred)
1 1/2 c. shredded Cheddar cheese
1 1/2 c. shredded Jack cheese
1 1/2 c. sour cream
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can chopped Ortega chilies
Salt (Honestly, I shake the shaker 5 times…)
Pepper (Yep, 5 times here, too)
Garlic powder to taste (uh-huh, can you tell I don’t cook? 5 times here, too)
Cooking spray or I can’t believe it’s not butter

*Boil chicken, cool and pick into small pieces. Set aside a little Jack and Cheddar cheese to sprinkle on top.
*Combine sour cream, soups and spices and combine with chicken, cheese and peppers. Stir.
*Spray a little cooking spray on bottom of pan.
*Spoon chicken mixture inside and close complete, then pour remaining sour cream mixture on top and sprinkle with cheese.
*Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

I’m not a cook and these turned out well. The prep time was a little more than I had planned at about 20 minutes, but the good thing about these was that I could have made the mixture the night before and even put these together the night before and just left them there to “marinate” and I think they might have been alright…I’m not a cook. I don’t know. Try it and let me know. Ours ended up being a big, cheesy goopy tasty mess and there were plenty of leftovers. I thought that this made a huge amount of food. It made 10 enchiladas and they were BURSTING with filling. I could have probably made 20 moderately sized enchiladas. Easily feeds a family of 4-5.