by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . January 18, 2012 . 6:15PM
It used to be that technological gadgets were solely for the adults who could afford them. Kids were expected to enjoy kid things and appreciate what they were offered. However, as we’ve grown with technology, we’ve figured out that we can use that technology to help our kids grown and learn in ways that may be more effective than some of the ways that we have been trying to teach them. One of the nice things about the obsolete nature of technology is that it is not only for adults anymore. When something begins to drop in price and starts to lose it’s shiny value for adults, the price drops to a point where it is a feasible option to buy for our children because we no longer stress about them destroying it any more than we do the huge remote control car we might get them as their one super gift for a holiday or birthday. The price has become reasonable and the expectation is that they may or may not like it and they may or may not take care of it, but either way, it’s their gift. Sometimes this is a massive upset and setup for failure and sometimes it turns out beautifully.
This year, for younger children, the “in” gift was the leapfrog. The leapfrog is a small mini-computer system that helps kids learn. What? This is the “IN” gift? Something that helps a child learn? Yep. It makes learning fun, it looks like the smartphones, tablets and computers the big kids and adults have and it has fun “games” for little ones. It was SO COOL this year. Parents were scrambling for these things.
I’m lucky enough that my son, AJ, has just turned 11 and I don’t feel the need to hit up the cool kid stuff. Frankly, I never have. I always assumed he’d be happy getting anything and he has always met that expectation. This year, he’s mentioned wanting plenty of things, but over the summer, I added a kindle to his wishlist knowing that he dislikes reading. He’d commented on my kindle, one of the 2nd generation ones I’d bought 3 years ago, and mentioned that he wished he had something cool like that on which to read his books. I mentioned that I’d consider buying him the kindle if he’d ever read books, considering I was begging him to read.
When October hit, it was AR season. In his school, and other public schools around the country, kids have Advanced Reader goals to hit and if they get points they get rewards. AJ was struggling to hit his minimum. He complained to me that, “I’m not like you and Daddy. I hate to read. It’s not fun for me. I don’t get why you guys like it.”
When November rolled around, I’d already decided that I was buying him the kindle mainly because he didn’t have much else on his list. If he didn’t like it, I’d give it to Leon, who’d waffled back and forth about wanting one. I’d gotten some Best Buy rewards and it had dropped my kindle price to around $50. It was a steal at that price and AJ could at least try a couple books on it.
When Christmas morning rolled around, AJ opened it up and seemed excited enough. He couldn’t wait to try out some books on it because it was shiny, it was new, and it was something that mommy had that he wanted and he never got shiny, new, technological TOYS. He seemed a little disappointed that his NeeNee, his Oma and I got him so much money on Amazon gift cards specifically for books for his kindle, but grudgingly decided he’d give it a try.
Since then, he’s read no less than 12, 300+ page books on his kindle with 4 of those being read in the last week. Almost daily he is requesting that I search for new books for him on Amazon and I mentioned to him today that he is almost out of his hefty Christmas and birthday amazon.com card stash for books. He laughed and said, “I can’t help it, Mama, I loooooooove reading. It’s so much fun!”
This kindle, it could be a game changer for kids that don’t like to read. As I write this, AJ is laying on the couch sick as can be, but he’s also calm and relaxed reading his Kindle. He used to tell me he couldn’t read more than an hour a day and now, some days, he reads up to 4 or 5 hours. His main issue with reading is that he is now reading on an 8th or 9th grade level in the 5th grade and most of the books he is reading don’t fall into his AR category so he doesn’t get points for reading them. He reads them anyway. He likes them. He likes to read. He loves to read. I love that he loves to read. Thanks, kindle. Thanks, amazon.
*note: Amazon/Kindle didn’t pay me to write this. They don’t know I’ve written this. This came totally from my heart.
by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . January 8, 2012 . 2:12AM
11 years ago today my little AJ decided to grace us with his presence. I would get all sweet and sappy, but I’m avoiding the inevitable Mommy breakdown that comes when you realize your kid is growing up. Happy day, sweetie!
by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . December 20, 2011 . 4:33PM
Sometimes I have to do things that make me the bad mom in the house. Well, I’m the only mom in the house, but you get what I mean. AJ and I have a lovely relationship that is secure and that most moms strive for in their relationship with their kids. He tells me his thoughts, we communicate well and there is lots of love and there are boundaries that offer security in this home. He knows where we stand at all times and I strive to decrease any uncertainty he may have about issues in his life. In other words, I’m authoritative in my parenting style. Lots of love and attention, but strict boundaries that have consequences.
Late in November, we’d gotten word that AJ had done something that indicated immaturity on his part as well as bad decision-making. We struggled with how to handle the situation and felt overwhelmed as parents. In my line of work, it can be difficult to admit that you struggle with problems too, but the main thing is that it is always easier to be more objective and to help parse through someone else’s issues than your own. After careful reflection and many discussions, it was decided that AJ needed to spend time focusing on growth and development rather than facing punishments that were already proving ineffective for him such as grounding and taking away privileges. Besides those things, we would need to add some things that he disliked doing, beyond chores, that would encourage him to focus on bettering himself as a person and, hopefully, encourage him to focus on being his best self.
As such, for the last 3 weeks, AJ has not been allowed to watch tv, play video games or play with his friends outside of school. I understand that many would oppose the last one because kids don’t get enough time to play at school and they’ve been sitting in school all day. AJ is absolutely allowed to play by himself in our front or backyard as long as he likes. What we have removed is his opportunity to socialize in the hopes that he might spend that time learning about himself or just learn that silence is ok. He has not spent time on this principle in his entire life. He is allowed 30 minutes of computer time a night for homework or to send emails to family or to decompress. If he is too busy with other things to get it, he just misses it. Period.
Beyond removing those things, AJ has added the following things to his routine: increased amounts of reading time, exercising at the gym with his daddy most every day of the week, eating healthfully almost all of the time and going to bed almost an hour earlier than he was. These were not things AJ had ever embraced and his grades were faltering, he was struggling with his focus and he was not an energetic thoughtful child as he’d been most of his life.
When AJ learned of these changes, as most kids would, we became the bad mom and dad and how could we do this to him? He was angry with us. He was angry with himself.
What has happened 3 weeks later has been a wonderful change. Because of his extra reading time, in the last 3 weeks he has increased his AR goal in reading by 300 percent and has achieved scores of 100% on every test. His teachers are floored by this. When he comes home, he does chores without complaint. He likes to go to the library to get new books because reading is really the only thing he CAN do besides spend time with the dogs. He still complains about the gym and eating, but he’s working harder at both of them and starting to see results. And the going to bed early? He’s doing it on his own. He’ll take his shower and then tell us that he’s just going to go to bed early because he’s tired. Sometimes he’ll do this 30 minutes before his new bedtime.
What I have learned from this is that AJ only thinks he misses these changes. He is a more reflective child and the little things that he used to have all of the time mean more to him when he can have them. He is allowed 30 minutes of video games tonight for his achievement in AR. He didn’t demand it immediately as he would have done a month ago. Instead, he went upstairs to read until the television is free. In fact, he may even forget about it today.
I may leave this new policy open ended. When we decided on it, that was the plan. We were going to see how long it took to see maturity taking place or some sign of reflection or better decision making. I don’t expect too much from my 10-year old. I expect proper development, manners and respect. I love him desperately, but I am raising someone who will be a solid man when it comes time for that and I refuse to coddle him when I know he can do better.
And after 3 weeks, he’s showing progress. Extreme progress. And he’s happier for it. So where do I go from here? I think we are content with how things are. Am I still the bad mom? I don’t honestly know. Am I a good parent? I think so. He’s happy. He’s healthy. And he’s growing both mentally and physically. I can’t ask for more than that.
by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . December 20, 2011 . 1:13PM
Now, AJ isn’t here to defend himself because his art teacher posts his projects online…
This is his “Vegetable Project….”
In his defense, I think that’s a carrot holding a gun with a baby corn shooting like a rocket…at least I hope that’s what it is… We’ve already discussed AJ’s issues with art. Bless his heart…he got his art gene from me…
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by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . December 18, 2011 . 11:31PM
So, this year, AJ mussed and fussed about how he’s soooo tired of our dogs and how because of those dogs he can’t have a tree. Ok. That’s the real issue, right? With four dogs, a big tree just isn’t going to happen. They will either think, “YES, a tree in the house for me to pee on!” or they will think, “YES, a tree in the house for me to jump on!” Neither is a good solution for a very expensive fake tree or a very expensive real tree. The other issue we face is that there is no good spot for a tree on the bottom floor of our house.
Mr. Blueshelled was not even close to considering lugging the tree, fake or real, up the stairs to the bonus room where his office is to create space for a tree. AJ attempted to talk him into it for days until both Mr. Blueshelled and I were over it. Enough. He gets a tree when he goes to see his NeeNee. We understand that we are ruining his childhood and we are the worst parents in the world. We get that although he has a lovely house and that part of the reason we can’t have a tree is that he has so many places to sit and so many bookshelves filled with knowledge for him to consume, he would rather have a tree with lights that will make Mommy say nasty things when one goes out and a whole section of them looks like they are discouraged with being lights.
We get it.
So, I went to Walgreens the other day. I say this as if going to Walgreens is a rare occasion. What I should say is that I live at Walgreens and I come home sometimes. So, I was at Walgreens and we were checking out when I saw the most beautiful tree. I just had to get it for AJ. When he saw it, he was confused as, because we are awful parents, he’d never seen the cartoon.
I bought him the tree. I brought him home so he could watch the cartoon. And now he thinks he has the best tree ever and his Christmas is no longer ruined.
And I’m a good parent again.
Whew. I was worried for a minute.
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It used to be that technological gadgets were solely for the adults who could afford them. Kids were expected to enjoy kid things and appreciate what they were offered. However, as we’ve grown with technology, we’ve figured out that we can use that technology to help our kids grown and learn in ways that may be more effective than some of the ways that we have been trying to teach them. One of the nice things about the obsolete nature of technology is that it is not only for adults anymore. When something begins to drop in price and starts to lose it’s shiny value for adults, the price drops to a point where it is a feasible option to buy for our children because we no longer stress about them destroying it any more than we do the huge remote control car we might get them as their one super gift for a holiday or birthday. The price has become reasonable and the expectation is that they may or may not like it and they may or may not take care of it, but either way, it’s their gift. Sometimes this is a massive upset and setup for failure and sometimes it turns out beautifully.
Life is like a game. We all have challenges, thoughts, opinions and beliefs. Often, it feels like something out there, life, karma, catty people, or blue shells (for the Kart lovers), seeks to bring us down. Luckily, we always get up. This is where I wear my heart on my sleeve and my foot in my mouth.
