Children and Compassion

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . November 5, 2011 . 6:13PM

I was reading an article recently that was discussing a study showing results indicating that babies have a strong sense of fairness and altruistic features. While I don’t know if I agree with the results, as I’ve read reactions citing that altruistic reactions could also be due to other factors and there is no causation when you do studies such as these, the study made me thoughtfully consider children and the way they treat others. I have seen compassionate and sympathetic babies. AJ was a particularly sympathetic little one and would cry when other babies would cry, matching their tone and stopping immediately when they would look at him in wonder and put their little baby hands out to him in a gesture of baby unity.

Little league ended a couple of weeks ago, but I have been remiss in getting my thoughts on this down. Little league is no different than any other setting for children to display beautiful acts of compassion for others. One child on AJ’s team was lovingly nicknamed “Roly Poly.” Roly Poly has such heart when he plays that when a ball comes near him he automatically dives and rolls for it. Roly Poly is a vivacious, thoughtful child who is a strong ballplayer and a sweet child. AJ, particularly, enjoys playing ball with him. The first game we had in October showed Roly Poly in some shockingly pink socks as well as a hot pink sweatband on his arm that designated it was breast cancer awareness month. Roly Poly is 10. He continued to wear hot pink the rest of the month, though no one else on his team or on the league did.

My son has his moments as well. He frequently plays catcher and can be particularly empathetic to those poor kids that strike out. I’ve noticed, repeatedly, that when someone strikes out on our team or the other, that AJ will pat them on the helmet and say, “Nice try, buddy.” It’s not just good sportsmanship. It’s not that he’s not competitive. It’s that he understands that feeling and it’s not a good one and he doesn’t want that other kid to feel bad or alone.

When a child goes down on the field with an injury, the kids immediately take a knee and I notice that many of them are fixated on how they can help the child who is hurt. AJ, as a catcher, is generally in the mix of this as many of those accidents occur near home plate. I see his little brow furrow, and him run to the child as the coaches surround them and he tries to help in any way he can. I see kids pat each other on the back after a great play, console each other after a bad game and, for those that have a bad home life, spend time talking to their team mates and trying to forget life for a while.

Yes, children are compassionate and I know that we want to know when all of that begins, but I’m not sure it matters. What matters to me is that it exists and that it is beautiful.

Coaches as role models

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 28, 2011 . 3:46AM

Down at the little baseball diamond, the parents of little league players sit through most weather conditions on steel bleachers that are excruciatingly hot in the summer, freezing cold on those fall and spring evenings and when it rains? They can collect puddles with the best buckets made. We frequently trade stories of our kids, knowing glances, laughs as we yell something to our child and they turn around and glare at us and comments regarding basic social chitchat such as the weather. We are aware when a stranger is in our midst because we have parent-dar that zones in on the abnormal so that we can protect our children.

One morning, during a boiling little league extravaganza that watched us being blown away inning after inning, my stranger-dar went off. An elderly African-American gentleman was sitting and watching the game and he’d make little comments regarding stance and how the children were holding the bat. I smiled to myself as it occurred to me that he was a former coach watching the game and that none of these were his grandchildren. He was there for love of the game.

As I listened to his comments, men came up to him, one after another, with looks on their faces such as one might give a celebrity. Slack-jawed, excited, awed and amazed. “Do you remember me?” They addressed him with such reverence and each of them took the time to sit with him, reminisce, and then tell him how much he meant to them and what they were doing now. Some pointed out their own children in their brightly colored uniforms and, with smiles, let him know that their kids didn’t make the same baseball mistakes they did. No, sir.

What I saw was pure respect for this man. A man who’d coached little league for over 20 years, he’d tell me at another game. Some of his former players are doctors and lawyers and a few played in college. When the game was slow, he’d shake his head and look at me with an impish grin, “Don’t they know a hit is as good as a walk? What are they waiting for?” I laughed and agreed. At this stage in little league, there are few pitches worth hitting, but when they are there, I sure wish they’d go after them, too. The games are an hour and a half long and the parents are there diligently. Show us some action!

He still comes to the ballpark because he loves the games, he loves the kids and when he’s there, people treat him like a celebrity. He made a difference! Not a small difference, a huge difference. For 20 years he was a coach to some special kids who got to have him as a teacher, a role model, a friend, a counselor, a surrogate parent and a cheerleader. He wiped tears, encouraged them, taught them fundamentals and sportsmanship and left a lasting impression on these people that they haven’t forgotten.

They treat him with awe and they respect him. How many of us have adults that we revered as such when we were growing up? That we treat with such honor when we see them? He has at least 3 come up to him every game and he treats every one of them like they are the only one who has ever done it. He still makes them feel special.

I feel special just to be able to watch what he does and how he’s affected them.

How are you making a positive impact on the lives of children around you? Will they revere and respect you in 20 years? If not, what can you do to change it?

Integrity after the Nashville flood

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 20, 2011 . 12:02PM

When Nashville was flooded at the end of April last year, it shook the community. Strangely enough, Nashville didn’t get much national media coverage, nor did we receive very much financial assistance from outside sources. Celebrities outside of Nashville didn’t rush to hold telethons to help us nor did the President rush in to assist us. Rather, the people in Nashville pulled together to work as a whole and fix what was broken. The celebrities that lived here put on concerts to assist in relief efforts, or donated cash to help out, and the Nashville flood went quietly into the record books.

Except it didn’t. We just aren’t whining about it. It’s still affecting people here, almost a year later. Insurance companies rushed to deny people coverage and avoid responsibility. People lost homes, businesses and their lives. Some haven’t recovered, may never recover, from the trauma of a rain that came on with less than a couple of hours notice.

In the face of adversity, there are signs of character, however, and sometimes it is important to note that character when it is seen, because it can be so rare. In my small town of Franklin, TN, there was an area of town where the businesses and homes faced extreme devastation. While all of those people and places deserve mention, there is something in particular I feel is important. Our Sonic burger joint was destroyed. It was shut down for almost 8 months because there was just no way they could make the old building work after what happened to it.

You may believe there is nothing important as to a business being shut down and rebuilt after a flood. Here is what makes it special. The other evening, I was sitting and watching my son play Little League Baseball. The people that make his baseball, and the baseball for this entire community, happen, have had extreme difficulty finding sponsors. It seems that with the flood and the economy, people just aren’t willing to reach into their pockets so little kids can play baseball. Businesses have to run and make a profit and all of those things, so when it comes down to it, sponsoring a little kids baseball team might not mean much to a local business facing the adversity of the economy. When gas is $3.49 a gallon (at last check), decisions have to be made. I get it.

However, those children feel the burn of the economy, too, as do their parents, and trust me when I say that the parents are very aware of who the sponsors of these teams are and what they are doing for the kids. So, as I sat there watching my precious cargo smile and throw a ball and learn how to play on a team and laugh, I looked at those sponsor signs and smiled. I chose to eat at Jet’s Pizza that night because they sponsored the Franklin Baseball Club. As I looked around, however, I noticed there were a plethora of signs from…Sonic?

Truly? I knew the local Sonic had been a huge sponsor in seasons past, but they lost everything last year. How could they afford to stay in the game this year? Not only did they sponsor the teams, but they also placed brand new signs (much needed!) designating the visitor and home sides on each and every bullpen. My eyes blurred with tears and I thought about the sacrifices people make to help others when things are not easy for them and it made me realize that for all the people that have not moved forward, some have done so spectacularly.

My local Sonic has done amazing things. They have rebuilt with a gorgeous building and landscaping, the food is actually better than it was, the service more prompt and I enjoy going there a lot more now. I will be giving them my business as much as is possible because I know that they support my son, my community, and myself. It’s important to support the places that are willing to stick their necks and their pennies out there to make the community a better place for all of us. They are investing in our kids.

Thanks, Sonic. I want you to know, today, that I appreciate what you are doing to make it possible for my kid to play this season. They didn’t have enough sponsors and when that happens, kids don’t get to play, like my son didn’t last fall. Thank you.

C’mon, BLUE!

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 21, 2010 . 8:59PM

Dear umpires,

I know that you put up with a lot of junk from angry parents and unhappy children. You work in hot weather and have to wear nasty padding and risk overheating a lot of the time. You chance being hit by balls or bats or even flying little bodies on a regular basis and I have no doubt that every now and then a call you made might keep you up at night.

There are times I watch some of you showboating out there and I wonder if you realize that when you make bad calls over and over and over again so you can show off that you are breaking the hearts of little ones. Kids that may not play the sport of baseball again because of a loss they took seriously and one that you will forget the minute you go home. Last week, I watched one of you set the other team up for a win they didn’t deserve and our team said nothing. They played hard and when they lost, they lost with heart. But you did the same thing two innings in a row and when the inning was over I watched you smirk as you’d commented within my hearing how that kid could really hit and it was great to watch and see if he could bring the runs in.

Do not EVER bring your bias in a front of parent if you want to keep your job. It was all I could not to run out there and hit you with the umbrella I bring to keep myself from passing out due to heat. I’m aware you are, at most, 23 years old, but I will beat you to within an inch of your life if you ever and I mean EVER do that to some 9-10 year olds EVER again. Take your job more seriously and realize that you aren’t God, you are merely a person who is expected to be impartial so as to allow a game to be as fair as possible. You weren’t fair. Not even close.

When we faced that team again in the finals, the game was much closer. We had three umpires and I watched another umpire showboat his way around. He was closer to my age, however, and made fewer mistakes. What I do know is that he didn’t set up that same kid to hit grand slams and our kids didn’t go home crushed. They went home feeling like they’d done well that game and deserved to win second place in the tournament.

AJ said it best when he said, “Mama, I’m not even sad that we got second place. Why is that?” A job well done and game well played while doing your best is nothing to be ashamed of and they weren’t crushed by a score that was stacked against them from the start. Rest assured, if I see you next year, and you pull the same crap, you won’t get away with it again.

I’ve got your number.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. Before you try to give me the letter from the Umpire, I’ve snoped it for you. Enjoy.

Letter to the opposing coach

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 23, 2010 . 3:06PM

Dear opposing team VOLUNTEER DAD coach,

Last night, as I sat in the rain to watch my 9-year-old play, after my full day of practicum and class, I watched you make a donkey of yourself. You made me really angry, so what I am about to say is probably going to shock you and several other people, but I’ve had a really bad several months and you know what they say about my give a flip…it’s busted.

When you ran over to the umpire to not just chastise him for a call, but yell at that 17-year old kid because of the placement of the glove on the little kid’s chest, it was all I could do not to take my super strength golf umbrella and define “rip him a new one” for you without using google. Do you know what that phrase means? It means that you can push a 17-year-old kid around, but you are modeling behavior for my 9-year-old kid. Not doing the same poor behavior in front of him is the only thing that stopped me from showing you that you cannot bully everyone.

In the South, they call what you did “showing your ass” and sir, you certainly did. For the rest of the game, the parents did not focus on their children. They nervously bit their lips and watched your reactions. You were the free entertainment. Your own child, whichever poor soul he was, was certainly not focused on the game.

I have dealt with people like you before and let me tell you, they get what they deserve. Maybe not on a little league field, but in life. The manager who browbeat her staff got fired hardcore and couldn’t find a job for months. Karma is a very real thing. Last night, we all got a nice little treat of how you act, but the worst part of it was that we saw what your family puts up with on a regular basis and we felt for them.

It might be time to relax, my friend. Strokes and heart attacks are not to be messed with. Deep breathing and some time at the spa might do you, and the rest of us by proxy, some good.

Sincerely,

Me