Road Rage and the Infinite Sadness

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . July 27, 2010 . 8:44PM

When you have a 9-year old in the car, it can sometimes be a necessary thing to be creative with what is clearly a mild case of road rage.

Yes, it’s mild. I didn’t run into someone’s car because he had an Obama sticker on it, though the thought has occurred to me as recently as earlier today. See, we were cruising along at 40mph in a 40mph zone, which is a little slow for me, but it’s the law and I always abide by the law. Ahead of me by about a quarter of mile, I see a stop light and a car that is just sitting there with a green light. Clearly, Chumbass (as her new nautical sounding name was for the ride) was not paying attention to the light and as we began to get closer, I began to panic. Chumbass finally paid attention to the light and inched her way through the green at a solid 10mph.

Did I mention that Chumbass had a huge dent in her left rear backside? Right next to her Obama ’08 sticker. Yep, this was not her first go round on the magic green light debacle.

What happens in this situation?

I say these words slowly, on the off chance that Chumbass has taken her eyes off the cellphone, donut, brisket or pen she has dropped: “Driiiiiiiiivvvvvveeeee Yooooouuuuuuuurrrrrr Caaaaaaarrrrrr Chhhhhuuuuummmmmbbbbbbaaaaasssss.” My goal in this is that she might read my lips and see that I was really concerned that she might not realize that hey, she’s driving a car, and remember to drive her vehicle.

In fact, my biggest comment in the car is “Drive your car” spoken slowly so the the other driver, who clearly cannot discern what I am saying, can understand me when spoken to slowly. From another car. Which may be behind them. Or far enough away that they can’t see.

However, like Obama, I have hope. For all the Chumbasses in the world.

Car trouble, why do you plague me?

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . November 9, 2009 . 10:34AM

Yesterday was a no good, very bad day.

It didn’t start that way. It started just fine, well, as fine as a day can start when I’m on a 4 day caffeine induced headache can start. However, I’ve been getting my fitness on and eating well and I was convinced I could get rid of the headache with some really fantastic endorphins. The ones that the elliptical gave me on Saturday were…superb to the say the least.

So, AJ and I headed to the Y and left the sickly Leon at home to face his chest congestion. AJ loves to go the Y and swim while I work out and I like having the company while I drive. We were almost there when I saw joggers going past. As I turned into the Y, I made sure that I made a wide arc to give them plenty of room. I know what it’s like to be on the side of the road and have cars so close that I can feel their heat. I was not rewarded for my good thoughts this time, though, as there was a huge area of pothole/uneven pavement with jagged edges that had my name on it.

It took out both of my right tires and I swerved to avoid rolling down the small hill. When I swerved, I must have bent the rim of one of the tires. When my heartbeat got back to normal, AJ and I got out of the car and hiked up to the Y. We had Leon on his way and roadside assistance coming with the tow truck, so there was nothing to do but go work out. The other option was sit in my car and stew about it. Honestly, I’d rather listen to my mp3 player and work off the calories.

This still hasn’t hit the part where my day was bad. I can handle things like that. As long as I have some semblance of control, I do fine. However, an hour later, the tow truck had not arrived and the place to replace the tires was only open a little while longer. During that time period, Leon’s car battery died. As he was about to lose his shhhh, a gorgeous man was flagged over to help us jump start the car. Of course, this happened after I’d worked out and I. was. stank. Figures.

An hour and a half later, the tow truck finally showed and offered to take my car to their shop and fix the tires. Ok. That worked for me. I hadn’t eaten and was about to Hulk Smash someone, so we grabbed food and went on our way. When we got there, they let me know that the rim was bent, and the two tires punctured beyond repair and they couldn’t fix my car that night, so it would be the next day before they could help us.

Yep. No good very bad day. If you want to contribute to my new tires, you know where the donate button is.

At least it wasn’t as bad as this guy, who drove his car into the flower bed at my office building and knocked down the office sign.

Too long gone.

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . September 17, 2009 . 8:39PM

Everyone knows that I have anger issues when I drive. Kristin has mentioned that she misses driving with me and is reminded of this when she hears someone going off while driving. Baby on Board signs can send me over an edge.

However, I think that my time being out in the schools for my practicum is softening me up a bit.

Tonight, on the way home from school, it was lightly raining. One thing about Nashvillians that I can’t say anything positive about is the way that they drive in the rain. It’s like the grandfather Sunday driver who has taken his sleeping pills. It’s just that bad.

I was behind one such driver at a stoplight close to my home tonight. Generally, I’m in a rush to get home after being gone all day, but I was pretty mellow tonight. The car behind me wasn’t and, when grandpa didn’t get going, the person behind me honked LOUDLY and LONGLY. Is longly a word? Long-ing-ly is a word. I digress.

Normally, the point that the person honks at me is the point where I glare and start telling them all kinds of things in the privacy of my car. Tonight, I just looked at them and said, “I don’t have any idea why you are honking at me. I’m not the line leader.”

I’m not the line leader.

It didn’t even click for about 30 seconds what I’d said aloud.

Go ahead. I have no defense. Say what you will. I’m losing my edge.