Solitude denied

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . August 12, 2010 . 2:22PM

Every now and then I tend to forget that my blog isn’t solely my blog. There are many of the most amazing people I’ve ever met or never met that stick their head onto this little piece of my soul and nibble on whatever I put out there to taste for flavor. Sometimes what is on the plate is delicious and insightful and leaves them happy, and hopeful and better for spending their time searching for nourishment among the many places they could look for that little something extra in their lives…however their lives may be. Sometimes…frankly it’s just leftovers. Some crust. A leftover thought that may have been worth sharing and building upon but something in my life has blocked it from my elaboration or my heartfelt need to push forward upon it and so I lay it on the plate and hope that somewhere they can see that there was love but the love was either so raw that it couldn’t be elaborated upon or it was just…enough.

And sometimes…we don’t need more than that. Sometimes, as people, we just need enough. So for today, I offer you my enough. Each of you makes me smile, think and realize things about myself that I would not otherwise realize. Thank you for enough.

Instant Smile: Just add water

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . July 22, 2010 . 10:38PM

Growing up in the mid-80′s, the slip-n-slide was the hot new thing. It really wasn’t much of anything, to be quite honest. It was a small piece of plastic that you put in between your sprinklers. You would run, slide about 4 feet and roll off into the grass while accruing scrapes, cuts, grass burn and the silliest faces and giggles you’d ever seen from your friends. Then you’d jump up and do it again because it. was. awesome.

I wanted one of those little yellow pieces of plastic more than anything.

Luckily, I lived just down the road from my cousins and their parents were much crazier than mine. Or, it’s quite possible they knew that the secret to peace of mind over that particular summer lay in an enlarged water bill and a little piece of yellow plastic. Either way, my cousins got the slip-n-slide and I got to walk the quarter of a mile to their place every day to bust my butt on the plastic and the hard dirt underneath.

Run Run Run Run Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide YES I’M FLYING NO NO NO I’m rollling! OUCH!

And back in line I’d go. And don’t think it was a short line. I wasn’t the only kid who knew about my cousin’s slip-n-slide. We lived in the country and the neighbor kids heard. So did their parents, and their parents weren’t going to pony up for a slip-n-slide or a water bill either. We’d dutifully get in line about ten kids back until we bled enough that it just stung too much to go again that day.

Nowadays, oh how old I feel saying nowadays, nowadays, the slip-n-slide has become so fancy! You can slide into a pool! The piece of plastic is HUGE and there are safeguards for those wimpy kids who care about bleeding. On the 4th of July, I found out exactly how intricate the whole slip-n-slide industry had become.

In Nashville on the 4th, our downtown area is amazing. Truly an amazing sight to behold is the area by the river that just lights up with booths of any kind of food you’d like, booths where you can buy the coolest hats on earth and a whole street dedicated to the littlest cowboys and cowgirls in the city.

As jets flew over the city celebrating our Independence, we walked around with bottled water and looked to see what was happening in our fair land. My little sister marveled at the cute boys. My mom wanted to go see what was going on down by the river. And me? I kept getting pulled towards these huge inflatable bouncy things, as all moms do.

After getting a stamp on his hand that made all the rides FREE, AJ was off. One of the first few rides to catch his eye was a large slip-n-slide. When I say slip-n-slide, I don’t mean one close to the ground. This inflatable wonder was about 4 feet off the ground and looked like a long island. Kids would run and jump UP onto it where sprinklers would shoot down onto them for about 20 feet. The line was short, but the joy was long.

I stood by the end and watched as child after child, including my own, jumped onto it and laughed themselves silly. It’s not been a great summer by any standards, but I couldn’t stop laughing along with them. The thing about joy is that it is utterly contagious. Some would jump up there, realize “OH NO THERE IS WATER UP HERE” and try to get down until mom or dad would take their hand and then lead them through the slide. After which, they would cry to go back on. There was a devilish little thing, who couldn’t have been more than three, who would go through the whole thing, slam his body down to the concrete after he got done, like the hulk, and give devil hands. I’m not kidding. Just like the orange ones to the right. He was totally “rock and roll” about the slide. And AJ? AJ would run, jump, slide, fall on his bottom, laugh and do it over and over again. He probably did it 30 times. I laughed just as hard as he did every time.

Yes, children are amazing and sometimes the smallest things in life are a recipe for joy. Just add water.

Going on safari

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 28, 2010 . 5:20PM

I’m an adventurer. Just this week I’ve been on a safari and went to the beach.

I’ve never been out of the continental U.S. and I’ve been spending the better part of the month in my bedroom. Maybe my way of travel isn’t yours, but for me, it’s necessary and it helps. For the majority of my life, I’ve been a voracious reader and have had a pretty decent imagination. There have never been the time or the funds for me to actually go anywhere worth really digging into, but I can read about places and, in my mind, I have been there.

Lately, that has saved my bacon in so many ways. Southwest.com has a schtick that says “wanna get away?” Yes, I do! Oh, I do! A break, yes please! Right now, though, I’m moving quickly nowhere. But, in this room, I’m going many places.

As adults, we often turn off our imaginations and suppress our pretend-o-meters (yes, I know it’s not a real word, but please stay with me). And, yet, in the back of our minds, there is still the capacity for childlike joy in sheet forts and paper hats and closed eye pretend travel. So, I needed a break.

When I woke up, I was going on Safari. It is supernaturally hot in Nashville this time of year. My bedroom is on the second floor of the house and my ceiling fan runs 24/7 to help keep my room ventilated. My white noise machine was on and the gentle breeze blowing across my face felt good.

Suddenly, I was on Safari and staying in my Safari housing. It was so hot outside that the animals weren’t coming out. The palm fan was blowing a gentle breeze across my face as my hair gently caressed my ears and a small fly landed on my shoulder. I softly brushed it away and hugged my pillow tighter as I thought about what was going on in my home across the ocean…

the ocean…

I turned the lamp next to me on full blast next to my face and turned the white noise machine on to “ocean waves” and suddenly I was at the beach. If you close your eyes you can almost hear sea gulls. The power of imagination is strong when you focus on it. The lamp next to me mimicked the sun so strongly I wanted to pull the covers over my head because it was hurting my eyes.

It relaxed me.

The imagination we gain as children never goes away. We put it on a shelf and pull it out as grandparents so we can play in those sheet forts or play water guns properly or tell stories that make little ones truly believe that there is magic in the air.

Sometimes, as adults, we need to believe in magic, too.

Sweet Home Illinois

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 21, 2010 . 8:01PM

When things go wrong as they do, the saying goes that blood is thicker than water. I’m a firm believer in the idea that we make families of the people that we choose to allow in our hearts and keep them there. However, I’m really close to my mom and sister, who are my whole immediate family pre-marriage, and I couldn’t wait to go to Illinois to see them last weekend.

As expected, seeing my family had a calming, cathartic effect on me. It has taken many years for home trips not to stress me out, but my relationships there are finally where I feel like they need to be and I could have stayed much longer this go around. Sometimes you just want your mommy and your sissy. I think the whole trip can be summed up in these three pictures.

Sweet

Comforting

Loving

Internet friends

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 25, 2010 . 10:30AM

At CPAC, every time you turned around you could find someone you knew.  By this I mean that if you didn’t know them personally, you would recognize them from television, their blog, twitter or from pictures with your friends.  For me, this meant that CPAC felt like one big family reunion.  I’ll admit it:  I felt like a cool kid. 
 
My friends and Leon’s friends were there and those that were not were keenly missed.  Though there were thousands of people there, you couldn’t wander around without seeing someone you knew.  Even online friends were instantaneous friends.  This is the nature of and the intricacy of internet friendships.  You spend so much time speaking with someone online that it builds an immediate sense of comraderie and bond. 
 
This is not always a positive thing.  I’m fully aware of stalking and the like.  In this case, it was a delightful experience.  Please be careful who you talk to online.
 
By the end of CPAC, we’d formed our own mini-group.  The group was consulted before meals and definitely before going out in the evening.  Like-minded people who enjoy spending time together and who are at the same event sharing food:  what could be better? 
 
One evening, we headed out to get a very late bite.  Some of the participants wished to get a drink and we headed on to the bars on the strip to find a place to eat and settle down to talk for the night.  After walking for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time, but what was really only around a couple of blocks, we found the place that 3 different iphones had placed as THE place to be for the evening.  As we started to head in the door, with all of us pulling out our IDs, there was a problem.  Caleb’s license has expired.
 
Caleb is well beyond the legal age.
 
Caleb looks like a logger.  Caleb looks like his picture.  Caleb’s picture ID states that he is above the legal age.  The kid at the door, who couldn’t have been all that much above legal age himself, refused Caleb entry.  He stated that it was the “new thing” for kids to use outdated IDs to get into bars.  Clearly, the ID was Caleb’s.  The kid again refused and stated that “in the DC stings bars were being busted for things just like this.”  At this point, Caleb’s brother Ben came to his defense and we left after words were exchanged. 
 
Be aware.  You might not be who you really are.
 
The silver lining was that the experience bonded the group even further and we returned to the hotel where we started and the bar and restaurant there.  This was also the place I’d suggested in the first place.  Before the walking and the argument.  To say I was smug would be true.  But we had a great “war story” and the group had a great evening. 
 
Yes, internet relationships are interesting.  I’ve met some of the best people of my life on the internet.
 
Here is to meeting many, many more.