To my sister on her 16th birthday

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 26, 2012 . 5:15AM

Dear Sister,

Sixteen years is such a short time. Right now, it doesn’t seem like it because it’s all you’ve known, but I was exactly that age when you were born and I could probably, if I choose to, remember a time that there wasn’t a you in my world, but I don’t. Since there was a you, the way I think about life has changed and all of that in the context of having a you somewhere in it. Because of the you in my life, I am more inclined to view the world in a way that offers more potential than ever and more calamity than ever and in such, I have expanded the horizons of my ever.

Lately, sister, you and I have been talking and it occurs to me that we are going to have differences. It has always been me for you and you for me and our age difference has never bothered either of us because we love each other like cupcakes love icing and sprinkles. Tonight, you mentioned something to me and asked me to promise, prior to telling me, not to get mad at you and to not love you less.

Here’s a secret: I’ve been mad at you many times and they’ve only made me love you more.

Sisters are unlike any other love that I have experienced. I don’t know if this is true for others, Sister, but I know this is true for me. It’s not like the love I have for my son, though it is not less in love. It’s not like any love I have experienced with men in life, though it is not less in love. It’s not like the love I have for our mother. It is all encompassing, truly unconditional love that makes me want to be around you all the time but allow you to be free to grow up as an individual. It makes me want to tell you secrets, want to hear yours, and want to have you as a daily part of my life. When I pray, amongst the many things I am grateful for is the amazing, miracle of a sister who arrived in my life just in time to save me from some of the mistakes I could have made and who showed me love when I needed it the most.

Sister, never doubt that you are loved. Always, always, always loved. Never loved less because we disagree. Never loved less because I am profoundly thankful of the good things that you receive. I cannot imagine a world in which I exist that you do not, even though I’ve been there. I love you, Sister. Happy birthday.

Love,
Sister

We’re at war with England!

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 30, 2010 . 7:51PM

During the summer months, there are some days where I have so few clients that AJ doesn’t have to attend his summer program and he is allowed to come hang out with me at the office. My friend Meggan is doing her practicum with us and he thinks Meggan hung the moon. He hangs out with Meggan or plays his Nintendo DS and I see clients while he avoids going to the summer program he claims is boring him and rotting his brains out. Hardly. The summer program does cool things like going to Jump Zone and swimming and playing games. But AJ is a momma’s boy and that little guy would rather be in close proximity to me than most anything in the whole world. When asked what he’d liked to do for vacation if he had one week, with the thought of Disney World being an option and anything else in the whole United States being the other option, he replied “Go to NeeNee’s because we PARTY.” He has no idea what he’s passing up and we love family time.

I’m veering off topic by a lot. I’m just going to say that my son is not worldly in the slightest and move on.

We were in the car on the way to my office when AJ asks, out of nowhere as per the norm, “Why do we celebrate 4th of July?” I’m not good with history, but I did my very best to explain our declaration of independence from England and why we chose to do so. He took this to mean that “we’re at war with England!” I explained that this was a long time ago and we are fine with England now. In fact, we’re pretty good friends. We like them. We do tea without tossing it over boats.

No. This is unacceptable. They were bad. They must pay. Grudges must be held.

I could feel the stewing going on in the back seat…and I chose to ignore it.

Until trivia night last night. There was a question regarding the back of the new quarters and the design on the back of one of them. The question had nothing to do with England, nor did it have to do with 4th of July or our war with England. But AJ chose to answer the question as “Florida. Because it has a direct line from England.”

I may not be strong in history. He’s not strong in geography. We’re both strong in grudge holding, but I think he’s got me beat. He mutters “England” in the same voice I utter “Derek Jeter.”

That’s my kid.

England, you better watch your back.

Sweet Home Illinois

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 21, 2010 . 8:01PM

When things go wrong as they do, the saying goes that blood is thicker than water. I’m a firm believer in the idea that we make families of the people that we choose to allow in our hearts and keep them there. However, I’m really close to my mom and sister, who are my whole immediate family pre-marriage, and I couldn’t wait to go to Illinois to see them last weekend.

As expected, seeing my family had a calming, cathartic effect on me. It has taken many years for home trips not to stress me out, but my relationships there are finally where I feel like they need to be and I could have stayed much longer this go around. Sometimes you just want your mommy and your sissy. I think the whole trip can be summed up in these three pictures.

Sweet

Comforting

Loving