For love of a child, Dominick’s Law

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 11, 2010 . 7:21PM

From the time he was born, I have never taken my son for granted. His specialness was not lost on me when I looked into those royal blue eyes that would eventually turn a chestnut brown. He could make the people around him perform like circus animals. The night he was born I lay awake watching him sleep and then, when the nurses took him to the nursery so I could rest, I cried for hours because I feared what the world would throw at this child and how he would respond. What would he face? How would I keep him safe? How would others treat him and how could I protect him?

AJ and I have a special bond. Even at 9, he longs to spend time with me every day. I’ve been sick recently and can’t go up and down the steps. He’s been sleeping in my bed to make sure I don’t need anything in the middle of the night. As I read my book, due to my insomnia, I notice that he will roll towards me and reach his little hand out so he can hold my hand while he sleeps. When he wakes up and notices that I’m there, he smiles a sleepy smile and says in a surprised voice, “I love you, Mama” and rolls back into that deep eyed slumber that involves him giggling in his sleep and talking to whatever person is entertaining him in dream world.

Because my mama bear instinct for this little one is so strong, it gives me an ache I can’t describe when I read about mothers that don’t have that instinct or that can’t follow through in protecting their children. Recently, my friend Natalie wrote about Dominick Calhoun and his tragic death after being beaten to death over the course of a weekend in April. Dominick was beaten and tortured for days for wetting his pants by his mother’s boyfriend, Brandon Hayes. His mother had left the house during the beatings and did nothing. Natalie has the ability to feel some compassion for the mother and I love her for the amazing amount of love she has in her heart. I’m of the opposite side of this response in that a mother had an entire weekend to save her child and she did nothing. Regardless of fear, at some point, instinct to save your child has to take over, doesn’t it?

Dominick’s family, minus his mother, are working hard to enact Dominick’s Law which would increase the penalties for child abusers. The family has a facebook page that addresses the process of passing the bill and what the bill entails.

So, now we mourn the passing of Dominick and, as a mother, I fear more for my child. The idea that someone I could trust could hurt my child sends fear through me. The one thing I know is that I will die before I knowingly let it happen. Tonight, when he stretches out his hand, I’ll hold it just a little bit tighter.

Going to the movies

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 13, 2010 . 6:36PM

Everyone in my family enjoys going to the movies. There is nothing like spending $30 just to get in the door, another $40 on tasteless treats and sugary sodas and then the opportunity to sit next to people who are either going to yell at the screen, text non-stop (you know who you are twitterphiles), whisper to one another about how you just can’t liiiiiiive without out each other (gag) or put their hands all over each other.

Let me clarify this. I hate going to the movies unless the movie has been out for at least 8 weeks, everyone else has seen it and there is the remote chance that I could be sitting in the theater room by myself. Then I LOVE going to the movies. And I will enjoy the biggest Coca Cola there is while I’m there. Mmmm.

And the movie will be awesome until my 9-year old inevitably says, “Mom, I’ve gotta pee.”

Now, I’ve been lucky in that, well, he’s a boy. I can’t go into the boy’s bathroom and his daddy generally is a good sport about saying “C’mon I’ll take you” or threatening him to within an inch of his life that he’d “better hold that pee until this movie is over because I offered to take you to pee and you swore on your life you didn’t have to pee.” Every now and then, though, I have to bite the bullet because I’m with him at the theater without a man or because I get THE LOOK.

As I was reading an older Woman’s Day, I think it was from March, something caught my eye. A website called Runpee.com. I love potty humor, so anything that talks about peeing automatically gets my full and complete attention. Runpee.com is a website that will tell you the best times in movies to take “a break” and how long you can “break.”

This is incredibly helpful not just for those little ones, but also for people like me who enjoy the super large keg sized Coca Cola in the dark theater.

So, who is going to a really old movie with me this weekend? If you text during it, I reserve the right to throw your phone across the theater.

Mother’s Day 2010

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 8, 2010 . 5:58PM

As most mothers will tell you, the homemade gifts are the most amazing, loving, generous and heart-breaking we will ever receive from anyone, ever. Most of us would not trade these colored, glued masterpieces for the most expensive piece of jewelry you could offer us. Children, as they get older, begin to provide information as to their true feelings about their mothers. I am lucky enough to have a child who shares my inability to wait when sharing gifts. Yesterday, I received a book that he’d made at school. Completely bound and made with love by my 9-year old, AJ.

Some of the comments were just heart-breaking and beautiful…and some caused me to raise my eyebrow. All spelling errors are AJ’s.

From page 3… (my commentary is in parentheses)
Just right (????)
Important (awww)
Legendry (mmmhmmm)
Lovable (my little sweet one)
Inaccessible (what? Does he mean in a “can’t touch this” kind of way?)
Awesome (truly)
Neat (well, we know he doesn’t mean in the vs. messy category)

From page 7….

His favorite time with Mommy
My favorite time with mom is sleeping with my mom because we get to spend time with each other. We get to do it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It’s nice to sleep with my mom. (Ok, I swear I’m weaning him off of this. He’s just having trouble adjusting to recent events. I can only imagine what the teacher thought when she saw this paragraph. I literally put my face in my palms when I read it.)

From page 10….

A list of Mommy’s best attributes:
1. Nice
2. Kind
3. Generous
4. Smart
5. Loves me
6. Listens
7. common (WHAT? OH NO HE DIDN’T. COMMON? WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?)
8. Accuracy
9. Gives advice
10. Comferting

From page 14: If I had a millione dollars I would buy her a golden car. (Exactly what I’d want if he had a million dollars).

Page 19: (Perhaps the one I’m most proud of) When I’m a parent, I will read like my mom.

But the bottom line is that Mother’s Day is about how we feel about each other. AJ says:
My mom is nice.
She does homework.
She likes me.
She looks like me.
She sounds like me.
She smells like perfume.
She always loves me.
My mom is kind.

That’s my boy.

Happy Mother’s Day, y’all.

Letter to the opposing coach

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 23, 2010 . 3:06PM

Dear opposing team VOLUNTEER DAD coach,

Last night, as I sat in the rain to watch my 9-year-old play, after my full day of practicum and class, I watched you make a donkey of yourself. You made me really angry, so what I am about to say is probably going to shock you and several other people, but I’ve had a really bad several months and you know what they say about my give a flip…it’s busted.

When you ran over to the umpire to not just chastise him for a call, but yell at that 17-year old kid because of the placement of the glove on the little kid’s chest, it was all I could do not to take my super strength golf umbrella and define “rip him a new one” for you without using google. Do you know what that phrase means? It means that you can push a 17-year-old kid around, but you are modeling behavior for my 9-year-old kid. Not doing the same poor behavior in front of him is the only thing that stopped me from showing you that you cannot bully everyone.

In the South, they call what you did “showing your ass” and sir, you certainly did. For the rest of the game, the parents did not focus on their children. They nervously bit their lips and watched your reactions. You were the free entertainment. Your own child, whichever poor soul he was, was certainly not focused on the game.

I have dealt with people like you before and let me tell you, they get what they deserve. Maybe not on a little league field, but in life. The manager who browbeat her staff got fired hardcore and couldn’t find a job for months. Karma is a very real thing. Last night, we all got a nice little treat of how you act, but the worst part of it was that we saw what your family puts up with on a regular basis and we felt for them.

It might be time to relax, my friend. Strokes and heart attacks are not to be messed with. Deep breathing and some time at the spa might do you, and the rest of us by proxy, some good.

Sincerely,

Me

Book Review: Pregnant: A field guide to Fathering by Gary Kleiman

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 29, 2010 . 10:50AM

A month or so ago, I received a book in the mail to review. Since I wasn’t Pregnant, or planning on becoming pregnant, I wondered how much I would have to add to this book to give it a review of any sort. However, I’m a trooper and when I opened the book, the time flew. I have to say that I was surprised by how into this book I really was. As somewho who, when she was pregnant, read what felt like every freaking parenting book out there, I was impressed by this little tome of information.

Let’s start with the obvious: this isn’t a large book. It’s not a step-by-step “how to be dad” book. It’s not going to give you the blow-by-blow details of parenthood that “What to Expect” would give you, nor will it scare you half to death like that book will. What it will do is give you a laid back view of fatherhood written by a man who has been a single dad for a long time.

At times, the book has a crunchy, granola-like feel, but overall, the information felt sound. Some of the most important advice in the book is simple: You are not your parents and you aren’t anyone else. Do your best.

The book hits on important topics such as how to hold a baby all the way through how to talk to your kids about important things. There are aspects of parenthood such as the “how to”s and the things you never consider when you are starting as a parent such as the inevitable poop in the bathtub. Yep. Been there, done that.

Overall, I’d say this is a good book for a new dad or for a new stepdad. It is a book to give to a dad who needs to not be overwhelmed with what is happening or about to happen. If you are a dad who is anal or who likes a lot of lists or being told what to do, this book isn’t for you. But if you just need a primer and a little encouragment, I highly recommend, “Pregnant: A Field Guide to Fathering” by Gary Kleiman.