No treats from Barack Obama

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . October 30, 2009 . 3:00PM

This dog looks like my dachshund pom mix, Reagan. Don’t believe me? Click that link on the left that says “Hooligans.”

This made me laugh so hard I cried. Dogs are hysterical. Finicky little buggers.

An open letter to Representative Marsha Blackburn*

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . September 14, 2009 . 9:15AM

Dear Representative Blackburn,

As you know, smoking is a harmful activity to both the smoker, who inhales about 50% of the carcinogens and toxins within the cigarette he or she is smoking, as well as a harmful activity to the innocent people who are forced to deal with the other 50% of the carcinogens/toxins that float around the air after those people.

Risks of secondhand smoke for children include asthma, an increased risk of SIDS for infants of mothers who smoked during pregnancy, low birth rate as well as chronic issues that crop up for the remainder of the life of the child (dental cavities, eye and nasal irritation and mood swings.

Secondhand smoke is also a cardiovascular risk for those who do not smoke, but who inhale the secondhand carcinogens. It is also a known cause of cancer. (http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=35422)

Representative Blackburn, I know that I am not telling you anything you do not already know. Clearly, you are aware of these issues and I am sure you get emails like these all the time from advocates. Honestly, I don’t have time to join any kind of association or be an advocate. I’m a wife, mom, doctoral student and work in a private practice. However, because I’m a mom, I have to take the time to write to you and ask that you consider what I’m saying, no matter how ludicrous you might believe it to be, because, as a mom, I have the need to fight back in whatever capacity I can.

The Tennessee Smoking Ban has been amazing. What I am writing to you has no bearing on the unbelievable changes that law has produced in our communities. Unfortunately, the minute I walk outside the door of an establishment, I am assaulted with cigarette smoke. There is no “15-foot rule” or anything that is clearly enforced in which I can safely get around the smokers to get to my vehicle without breathing in the smoke or having it forced upon my child. Yes, I can choose to not take my son anywhere. That is a completely fair assessment. I am a fan of do the least harm, however, and it seems that those that are doing the least harm should be protected.

This is my proposal Representative Blackburn. Remember, I told you upfront that it will sound ludicrous, but I think it’s fair. I know a bit about psychology and what I think may be needed here is some good old fashioned conditioning. I’m not sure what you knowledge is, but a scientist studying digestion, named Pavlov, had some dogs and he conditioned them to salivate to the sound of a bell. He did this by convincing them that the bell and the meat were connected. My idea is similar.

I believe we should condition smokers that if they wish to harm my lungs, then they will have to face a consequence. For those of us that are forced to walk through a wall of smoke to get to our vehicles, we should be allowed to take a clear watergun and take one clear shot at the offender. My idea is that, much in the same way a cat will stop when hit with the water, that the smokers will move away and I will be able to get to my car without issue. This would also encourage smokers to remain in their designated areas. It seems like a win-win situation. I can keep my lungs healthy, as well as those of my child, and they can keep their carcinogens.

Water isn’t harmful unless you are the Witch in the Wizard of Oz. It would dry. No face shots would be allowed or it could be considered assault. All waterguns must be of small size and clear so as not to be confused with true firearms and only one shot would be allowed per person per smoker.

I am aware that there are people who would be furious and see this as taking away their civil rights. I view this as re-establishing mine, Representative. I have the right to walk from the post office door to my car without inhaling toxins. If a factory was emitting the toxins, they would be fined. Because we are not fining private citizens for what they place in the air, there is no way for me to protect myself from the damage they are doing to myself and my family.

I urge you to seriously consider my somewhat eccentric idea. Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe and for your time and consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,
Jillian

*While this letter is slightly tongue in cheek, because I’m aware of the way my request will be taken, I’m also aware that SOMETHING needs to be done and I’m down for non-harmful vigilante justice. It’s an oxymoron. I know that. I’m cool with it. And I emailed her this letter this weekend. Mama didn’t raise a wimp.

Guest blogger: Leon on Ralphie May

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . July 15, 2009 . 10:30AM

Today, I want to welcome my first guest blogger, my husband, Leon! Thanks for stepping up to the plate, honey. — Jillian

This Sunday, my loving wife took me to see my first live comedy show, which was Ralphie May at Zanies in Nashville. She has graciously allowed me to write a guest post here about the experience, which I must say easily exceeded my expectations.
 
Sunday was a miserable day, weather-wise, but when we were actually driving up Franklin Road to get to Zanies, the skies cleared and it appeared that the weather would clear up. We were advised to show up by 6:45 in order to get good seats for the 7:30 show, and we arrived more or less right on time.  The parking situation at Zanies was atrocious, however, and we had to park a couple blocks away (as we had been warned that parking at any of the nearby businesses would result in our car being promptly towed).  Nonetheless, we were still in the door at or near 6:45.  We found out that this was not nearly early enough, as we were seated at a couple of bar stools near the back of the first floor, and near the door.  Our seating was, however, literally the only complaint I had about Zanies as a venue.  Although my back got sore from not having anything to support it while we sat there for three hours, the sight lines were still good, the food was delicious and reasonably priced, and the service was shockingly prompt and attentive (especially given that our server appeared to be waiting on at least 9 or 10 tables).  The warm-up acts were some guy from the Bob & Tom show (apparently neither Bob nor Tom), and Ralphie May’s wife.  Both were good for a few chuckles, but neither had the talent to be a successful television comedian. 
 
Ralphie took the stage at around 7:50.  I was prepared, to some extent, for some recycled material, especially since I have been a fan of Ralphie’s since Last Comic Standing, and I was worried that I might have heard most of the jokes before, but I needn’t have worried.  I didn’t hear a single recylced joke from any of his 4 DVDs or from any of his Last Comic Standing material.  It was all new and fresh and quite a bit of it was obviously pulled from the events of the last few weeks and months.  Ralphie had clearly put a lot of effort into keeping his material fresh for an audience that had doubtless heard him before (Ralphie is a relatively frequent guest at Zanies).  During the middle of the show, the weather apparently turned inclement and we eventually briefly lost power.  Ralphie picked up without a beat and continued the show.  In fact, due to the weather, Ralphie extended his show an extra full hour, nearly doubling the length of his show, and did so without recycling anything I had ever heard before.  At the end, he stayed around and took free pictures and gave free autographs to all who had stayed.  I was truly impressed with his generosity with his time, especially given the fact that his wife delivered a baby less than 3 weeks ago and by his own admission, he is recently recovered from the flu and sleep deprivation. He furthermore displayed a remarkable knowledge of Nashville and surrounding localities, perhaps because he may have actually moved here (I think he said at the end that he and his wife had moved here, but I can’t be sure. It could just be that he visits frequently enough to have been briefed on these things).
 
Ralphie as a comedian is of course not for everyone.  His jokes are not appropriate fare for the faint of heart, nor the politically correct.  His show suffered somewhat from a needless and extended jag into pro-Obama politics.  I more or less expect this from a comedian of Ralphie’s variety, so the problem in this case was not the politics, it’s that the jokes were not especially funny.  Ralphie sounded more during these jokes like a talking head, less like a comedian attempting to entertain his audience.  Thankfully, given the overall length of the show, this portion more or less faded into the background of an otherwise hilarious experience, especially since he quickly redeemed himself with a bit about Chick Fil-A that was… well, look for it to come to a special on Comedy Central soon. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.  When he was finished, a grateful audience gave him a standing “O” and we waited in line for less than five minutes to meet Ralphie.  I got a copy of “Austin-Tatious” (the only one I didn’t already have) and Ralphie signed it (as pictured here), although he was clear that he would have signed a picture for free as well. We then headed back home, late but satisfied with our first comedy experience.  Whenever we get the chance, we’ll be seeing Ralphie again soon.