Heartbroken but not lost

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 7, 2010 . 10:53PM

The premise of this blog is that life moves on even though circumstance will try to take you down. The last several months have been a challenge, to say the least, and this weekend, in particular, was trying. I’m surrounded by good people, though, and I continue to remind myself that life will continue on even though it feels like everything ends at each particular point in time that I struggle.

I spent some time this evening reflecting and pushing myself out of my comfort zone and letting myself talk to others and be myself again and what I realized is that my struggle is not singular. If I’m having a bad weekend, someone else reading this is struggling as well. I want you to know that even if your heart is breaking, your body is aching, your mind feels lost and you feel fragile…you are not alone and someone cares deeply for you. The things that happen are hard and heart-breaking and stunning, but they are not the end for you.

Continue to grow and love and move forward. I’m going to try to do the same along with you.

Internet friends

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 25, 2010 . 10:30AM

At CPAC, every time you turned around you could find someone you knew.  By this I mean that if you didn’t know them personally, you would recognize them from television, their blog, twitter or from pictures with your friends.  For me, this meant that CPAC felt like one big family reunion.  I’ll admit it:  I felt like a cool kid. 
 
My friends and Leon’s friends were there and those that were not were keenly missed.  Though there were thousands of people there, you couldn’t wander around without seeing someone you knew.  Even online friends were instantaneous friends.  This is the nature of and the intricacy of internet friendships.  You spend so much time speaking with someone online that it builds an immediate sense of comraderie and bond. 
 
This is not always a positive thing.  I’m fully aware of stalking and the like.  In this case, it was a delightful experience.  Please be careful who you talk to online.
 
By the end of CPAC, we’d formed our own mini-group.  The group was consulted before meals and definitely before going out in the evening.  Like-minded people who enjoy spending time together and who are at the same event sharing food:  what could be better? 
 
One evening, we headed out to get a very late bite.  Some of the participants wished to get a drink and we headed on to the bars on the strip to find a place to eat and settle down to talk for the night.  After walking for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time, but what was really only around a couple of blocks, we found the place that 3 different iphones had placed as THE place to be for the evening.  As we started to head in the door, with all of us pulling out our IDs, there was a problem.  Caleb’s license has expired.
 
Caleb is well beyond the legal age.
 
Caleb looks like a logger.  Caleb looks like his picture.  Caleb’s picture ID states that he is above the legal age.  The kid at the door, who couldn’t have been all that much above legal age himself, refused Caleb entry.  He stated that it was the “new thing” for kids to use outdated IDs to get into bars.  Clearly, the ID was Caleb’s.  The kid again refused and stated that “in the DC stings bars were being busted for things just like this.”  At this point, Caleb’s brother Ben came to his defense and we left after words were exchanged. 
 
Be aware.  You might not be who you really are.
 
The silver lining was that the experience bonded the group even further and we returned to the hotel where we started and the bar and restaurant there.  This was also the place I’d suggested in the first place.  Before the walking and the argument.  To say I was smug would be true.  But we had a great “war story” and the group had a great evening. 
 
Yes, internet relationships are interesting.  I’ve met some of the best people of my life on the internet.
 
Here is to meeting many, many more.

Facebook friends

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . December 18, 2009 . 9:43AM

I’ve never done well with keeping friends for long periods of time. I think much of this has to do with several integral factors in my life. I grew up on a farm and, most of that time, I played on my own. I’m also highly introverted, by nature, and I often prefer my own thoughts to the thoughts of others. It’s not that I don’t care what you think, it’s just that the noise in my own head is so strong that your noise would be overwhelming. I like quiet and solitude and small groups of people. I like to go out, but infrequently. My profession is one-on-one and that connection is important to me in so many ways. It fits me.

It never occurred to me that the people I’d left along the way weren’t really gone. For the longest time I was such a black and white thinker that I’d written those relationships off as lost to me.

And then I found Facebook. Because I’m an introvert, social networking draws me like flies to honey. I can speak to people quickly and efficiently, which also hits my firstborn tendencies, and feel like I’m connecting without losing the energy that I lose in face-to-face interaction.

And then I started exploring.

And found the little girl from down the farm road that I used to play with often. I road my green bike with the banana seat to her house frequently. And not only did she remember me, but she was delighted to hear from me. We still had the connection that we had even then.

And I found the first friends I had when I finally started elementary school. And then those when I moved to a new town.

I found my first group of friends from middle school. We were so close for those four years. It was like we picked up where we left off. The best friendships are always like that, aren’t they?

I found my high school best friends and my college best friends. I found people who weren’t best friends, but that I like more as adults than I did as children. They have grown into amazing people that I love.

Through other social networking sites I have found people that I love more and more each day.

For me, I think it was just a reminder that, though there are times I feel alone and have certainly felt alone in the past, I never was. They were with me. They missed me. They were there.

And they still are.