When you hit the weight loss plateau that will not quit

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 6, 2009 . 5:33AM

This will not turn into Jillian’s whine and moan weight loss journey. I’ve been there, done that, bought the tshirt and then turned the tshirt into rags to clean my bathroom. However, this blog is my whiny, narcissistic anger management journal and, by all that is holy and reverent, if I don’t get off my weight loss plateau, I am going to explode. I mean it. I will cover this whole house in cellulite and don’t think I won’t do it.

ONE MONTH. One month of no movement on the scale. It taunts me. I’m at *mumble*.2 pounds. Seriously. *Mumble*.2 pounds for a month. It’s the .2 pounds that’s taunting me. And now, it’s starting to move up. My nutritionist, Fran, has finally given me the go ahead to drop down 200 calories because, frankly, I think she fears the cellulite explosion.

It’s not helping. If anything, I think I may gain because of this. I’ve read the googled sites. They say that I need to “shake up my routine” and exercise more, which is out due to my knee. Eat at different times. Eat more. Eat less. Eat upside down, which is my preferred sleeping position according to Husband since all this started. Eat less carbs. Eat more protein. Hop on one less and shout your grandmother’s middle name while tugging on your earlobe.

I’m to the point where I’m wondering if donating blood would get rid of that pesky .2 pounds, at least until it regenerates. I’m trying the eating more thing. The problem is that I’m not hungry. There. I said it. Throw your stones. I don’t eat when I’m not hungry anymore. 4 months in and I just don’t do it and I’m not going to and sometimes that means that I can go a week at 1,000 calories a day and now that means I’m not losing weight even if I have one day a week where I eat anything I want and can get 2500-3000 calories that day.

Fran and I need to have some one on one time. It’s scheduled for the end of the month. Our relationship is suffering. I’m going to jump back on the physical therapy and try to get to where I can do exercise. I have no idea what to do abotu food other than eat when I’m hungry and eat right. I just bought a new scale to show the old one who is boss. It’s pretty and glass and the old one is dirty and plastic. Who is in charge now? The only problem? It actually shows me as heavier than Old Faithful.

2 words: Cellulite Explosion.

Insecurity with my body and What ifs?

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 1, 2009 . 4:46AM

When you first consider the idea of weight loss, after years and years of abusing your body, there is a certain amount of fear and reluctance. There are always questions as to whether or not you can truly put forth the amount of effort it will take to lose weight, whether you are mentally prepared for what comes with the act of the effort and the results as well as the reasoning for gaining weight in the first place. There is fear as to possible failure and the difference in how people react to you as a person. Because you know there is a difference, right? In how people treat you?

I allow myself to think about the difference in small spurts. Anything more than that feels overwhelming and since I’m only losing weight in small spurts, that feels manageable. Over the weekend, I was triggered by a PostSecret image that put into words the insecurity of some fears that I have about losing this weight.

What if I look better now than I will then? Even if I’m healthier then, what if I’d rather be shallow? Look, my self-esteem isn’t over the top, but I’m not a bad looking big woman. The extra weight looks ok on me. In fact, the smaller I get, the larger my nose gets and the beadier my eyes will get. I’ve been skinny. I know about this. I also know that my weight disguises any wrinkles I may have gotten due to the 8 year old who likes to test my heart rate.

So, what if I look better now? What if I’m happier as a big girl? What if all the chubby chasers go away and I have no more admirers? What if the Latino men and gorgeous chocolate brothers are no longer interested when there is no “junk in my trunk” and I’m no longer “cool for a big girl?” What if I get skinny and hate myself? Some days I’m just like many other women: full of insecurity. It’s just one of those days.

Please don’t supersize me: McDonalds’ feeble attempt at making me fat

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 18, 2009 . 12:39AM

Since I jumped on the semi-health mobile back in November, I’ve avoided McDonalds like the plague. Well, for the most part. The Reduced fat ice cream cone is a delightful use of 150 calories and if I send my husband to get it, I can avoid the big, glaring pictures of tempting McNuggets. They are really all that tempt me from that particular fast food place, anymore.

Today, however, between physical therapy and teaching my undergrads, I was in a hurry. Normally, I get my grilled chicken sandwich from Wendys but I made the assumption that McDonalds would be faster. I pulled in the line and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

While I sat there, I pondered how much of my obesity was due to McDonalds. No, no, no, McDonalds did not put the food into me. I’m not a foolish person and I don’t blame McDonalds for making me fat. Yet, with that thought in my mind, they aren’t doing much to help me stay healthy, either. They aren’t as “side” friendly as Wendys or Chick-Fil-A. I continued to think about this and chided myself for laying the blame at the feet of a conglomerate instead of myself. As I was doing so, I inched a car length forward and saw a HUGE red and white sign that said “FREE PIE WITH ANY LARGE SIZED MEAL.”

Excuse me, please stop the boat. Wait, what? If I UP SIZE my meal, which is in larger portion already, you will GIVE ME A FREE PIE? So, you will reward me for eating more with more food? Specifically, a dessert food that most people find hard to resist?

Screw you, McDonalds. Screw you. You deserve some of the blame for this!

I got my grilled chicken sandwich and left. Next time, I’m going to Wendys.