My YMCA card had dust on it, so I blew that sucker off and decided to get back to business. Over the weekend, I’d managed to get ‘er done (yes, I just said it-go on and disown me), but after the car fiasco, I knew there wouldn’t be time to workout. My fitness guru and very good friend, Mike, has been yoda-ing me in this go-round and he’d cautioned that I needed a recovery day for my body. So, I decided that a nice, leisurely walk with Reagan would do the trick.

I don’t play favorites with walking the dogs, it’s just that Sophie tuckers out after a block and Molly is so busy sniffing and marking territory that I’d never get anywhere if I took them. Reagan is built Ford-tough. She has tiny legs and some serious muscle in that little weiner dog body of hers. She went with me today for 35 minutes without complaint. We did have some adventures, though.

-We attacked every crunchy leaf in the vicinity of our walk. As the trees are letting them drop like crazy, this amounted to some serious attacks.

-A school bus full of children waved at us.

-Reagan whined at the school bus full of children because she knows that the school bus might mean AJ is there.

-When the bus went past with no AJ, she pouted, moped, and refused to jump on crunchy leaves until I was ahead of her crunchy leaf ratio 10:1.

-We went around a park and found a small stream that I didn’t know existed.

-A car drove past us with a little dog in it that so desperately wanted to make Reagan it’s “friend” that it almost jumped out the window. I watched as it slowly drove past with the dog hanging out the window and the owner laughing so hard he almost let go of the little dog.

-We saw some beautiful fall foliage.

-A LOOSE doberman came running after Reagan. Apparently my horns came out because I yelled at it “NO!” and “YOU GO HOME YOU VERY BAD DOG!” and it literally turned and ran with its tail between it’s legs. Wussy. I must have a fierce angry face. Don’t mess with anything I believe belongs to me. I will ruin you. I don’t care if you have teeth that can tear me apart. I look really mean when I’m mad. And if I see it again I will have no problem calling animal control and letting those people pay to get that dog back. Leash laws are there for a reason.

-Reagan gave me the biggest, happiest face when she saw the front yard. Dogs can grin, you know? We both got our fitness on.

Overall, my walk today was simply breathtaking. It helped remind me why fall is my favorite season. I hope that all of you are spending some time outside just enjoying the scents and beauty of this time of year. I want to take a second and thank Mike, one more time, for the time and effort he has been putting into me. My friendships mean a lot to me and he’s holding me accountable this time and it is what I needed. I’m one of those needy, hard to be friends with people because sarcasm is my defense mechanism, so it really is hard to put up with me on a regular basis. I’m also sensitive, so I take things the wrong way a lot. To be “in charge” of anything I’m doing, especially when I’m such a type-A, has got to be a pain in the butt, so thank you, again.

Women, we do stupid things for beauty. You’ve probably gathered that women and beauty and womanhood are something of a theme for the last couple of days, but this is the end of the road for it, at least for a while. I know that I do something stupid for my looks at least weekly.

One example? My eyebrows.

I was born of a yeti. Mom, I’m not calling you a yeti, I swear. Please don’t take back my Christmas presents. I’m just saying you adopted me from a yeti because I have a unibrow that makes grown men cry. It’s true. If I neglect this baby, I make muppets look like they wax. So, I have 2 options: waxing or plucking. Neither of them are appealing. I’m not going the electrolysis route. I’m just not. Yes, I’ve heard of threading. I don’t want to scream at the person who is doing my brows, so I’m going to pass.

Let’s talk about some of my eyebrow experiences.

How about the one time the woman almost pulled my face off.

Yes, it actually happened. My friend Kristin was there. This took place around 2002 and it was around the 2nd or 3rd time I’d had my brows waxed. The wax was bubbling. This is not a good sign. This is not how wax is supposed to be when you are going to put it on your face. The woman who was to do my brows was busy cutting hair, so another stylist said she would do it.

This is never a good sign.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 and never, ever let someone pinch hit on your brows.

When the wax went on I could feel my skin bubble and tears welled in my eyes. It was then that I knew I was in trouble. She tugged and I could feel the blood. I was young and didn’t realize that I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. ALWAYS SAY SOMETHING. She then WENT OVER THE SAME SPOT AGAIN. I left with burns.

For beauty. Oh, I left looking like something, that’s for sure.

Let’s go to this earlier this year.

I was getting my brows done again. Look, I told you, if they aren’t done I’m a yeti. The woman was clearly not concentrating and the wax was thin and runny. It ran down my brow and into my eyeball.

Women are stupid for beauty. All I can say is that I hope men and other women appreciate it.