Children and Compassion

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . November 5, 2011 . 6:13PM

I was reading an article recently that was discussing a study showing results indicating that babies have a strong sense of fairness and altruistic features. While I don’t know if I agree with the results, as I’ve read reactions citing that altruistic reactions could also be due to other factors and there is no causation when you do studies such as these, the study made me thoughtfully consider children and the way they treat others. I have seen compassionate and sympathetic babies. AJ was a particularly sympathetic little one and would cry when other babies would cry, matching their tone and stopping immediately when they would look at him in wonder and put their little baby hands out to him in a gesture of baby unity.

Little league ended a couple of weeks ago, but I have been remiss in getting my thoughts on this down. Little league is no different than any other setting for children to display beautiful acts of compassion for others. One child on AJ’s team was lovingly nicknamed “Roly Poly.” Roly Poly has such heart when he plays that when a ball comes near him he automatically dives and rolls for it. Roly Poly is a vivacious, thoughtful child who is a strong ballplayer and a sweet child. AJ, particularly, enjoys playing ball with him. The first game we had in October showed Roly Poly in some shockingly pink socks as well as a hot pink sweatband on his arm that designated it was breast cancer awareness month. Roly Poly is 10. He continued to wear hot pink the rest of the month, though no one else on his team or on the league did.

My son has his moments as well. He frequently plays catcher and can be particularly empathetic to those poor kids that strike out. I’ve noticed, repeatedly, that when someone strikes out on our team or the other, that AJ will pat them on the helmet and say, “Nice try, buddy.” It’s not just good sportsmanship. It’s not that he’s not competitive. It’s that he understands that feeling and it’s not a good one and he doesn’t want that other kid to feel bad or alone.

When a child goes down on the field with an injury, the kids immediately take a knee and I notice that many of them are fixated on how they can help the child who is hurt. AJ, as a catcher, is generally in the mix of this as many of those accidents occur near home plate. I see his little brow furrow, and him run to the child as the coaches surround them and he tries to help in any way he can. I see kids pat each other on the back after a great play, console each other after a bad game and, for those that have a bad home life, spend time talking to their team mates and trying to forget life for a while.

Yes, children are compassionate and I know that we want to know when all of that begins, but I’m not sure it matters. What matters to me is that it exists and that it is beautiful.

For love of a child, Dominick’s Law

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 11, 2010 . 7:21PM

From the time he was born, I have never taken my son for granted. His specialness was not lost on me when I looked into those royal blue eyes that would eventually turn a chestnut brown. He could make the people around him perform like circus animals. The night he was born I lay awake watching him sleep and then, when the nurses took him to the nursery so I could rest, I cried for hours because I feared what the world would throw at this child and how he would respond. What would he face? How would I keep him safe? How would others treat him and how could I protect him?

AJ and I have a special bond. Even at 9, he longs to spend time with me every day. I’ve been sick recently and can’t go up and down the steps. He’s been sleeping in my bed to make sure I don’t need anything in the middle of the night. As I read my book, due to my insomnia, I notice that he will roll towards me and reach his little hand out so he can hold my hand while he sleeps. When he wakes up and notices that I’m there, he smiles a sleepy smile and says in a surprised voice, “I love you, Mama” and rolls back into that deep eyed slumber that involves him giggling in his sleep and talking to whatever person is entertaining him in dream world.

Because my mama bear instinct for this little one is so strong, it gives me an ache I can’t describe when I read about mothers that don’t have that instinct or that can’t follow through in protecting their children. Recently, my friend Natalie wrote about Dominick Calhoun and his tragic death after being beaten to death over the course of a weekend in April. Dominick was beaten and tortured for days for wetting his pants by his mother’s boyfriend, Brandon Hayes. His mother had left the house during the beatings and did nothing. Natalie has the ability to feel some compassion for the mother and I love her for the amazing amount of love she has in her heart. I’m of the opposite side of this response in that a mother had an entire weekend to save her child and she did nothing. Regardless of fear, at some point, instinct to save your child has to take over, doesn’t it?

Dominick’s family, minus his mother, are working hard to enact Dominick’s Law which would increase the penalties for child abusers. The family has a facebook page that addresses the process of passing the bill and what the bill entails.

So, now we mourn the passing of Dominick and, as a mother, I fear more for my child. The idea that someone I could trust could hurt my child sends fear through me. The one thing I know is that I will die before I knowingly let it happen. Tonight, when he stretches out his hand, I’ll hold it just a little bit tighter.

Generosity in Children

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 22, 2010 . 8:55PM

Often, as adults, it is easy for us to forget how generous in spirit children are when left to their own devises and without the interference of us “well meaning adults.” Our influence upon them can suck the beauty and kindness straight out of those amazing little souls faster than anything I’ve ever seen in my life. Our disapproval, anger, anxiety and upset can shake them to their core and cause them to look upon the world with distrust and unease. It then becomes a place of distraction. A place where everyone is on their own and should take care of themselves instead of looking out for the interest of others. A place where their true goodness is hidden and they lose the innocence and humanity that they seem to have from such a very young age, instinctually.

However, it flickers. Oh, how it flickers. Like a flame just looking for a little encouragement to grow, it flickers and sparks and waits for the opportunity to shine. Unlike many adults, children don’t necessarily need to shine in front of others or with the purpose of recognition, or even allow their flame to grow at all. Sometimes, they just flame away without even thinking about it and move on. Such simple love and kindness.

I’ve seen this happen repeatedly in my life. Often during my time with my son and his friends and during my time in the school system. A few weeks ago, I saw it during a warm evening at the ballpark.

I was standing in line for one of the forty or so gatorades I buy every year at the concession stand when I saw him: the blonde little boy in front of me who was patiently waiting his turn. He couldn’t have been more than 8, at most, and was clutching three dollars. It was a school night and his eyes looked tired and sad. It was approaching 9 and he must have been at one of the early games and stayed for a sibling game.

I saw his eyes scan the menu. Hamburgers, Chicken (our stand serves Chik-fil-a!), hot dogs, french fries, sodas, energy drinks and many various candies. His little blonde head nodded slightly downward as he looked at the canisters in the front of the stand. Air heads, $0.25. Ring pops, $0.75. Tips for good service, please. Condiments. Napkins. Forks.

He looked carefully back to the menu and then to the canisters again and softly said, “French Fries, please.” The boy at the counter said, “Sure, kid. Anything else?” The little boy looked down at the canisters again, looking hard at the ring pops, and I saw him swallow. “No, no thank you.” He handed the concession stand worker his two dollars and waited for his french fries. They came promptly. He smiled, said thank you and deposited his $1 in the tip canister.

Generosity of spirit can be found in the most unexpected places. I am a lucky woman to find it in so many.