Friday Confessional: Public Bathrooms

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . October 16, 2009 . 11:20AM

Alright, I have many neurosis, but I hate public restrooms. Most of you do, too, but not to the extent that I do. It’s not that I “can’t go” or anything like that.

I’m shy. That’s right. I’m shy.

I listen when you pee and I know you listen, too. Don’t pretend you don’t. It happens. There was one time an elderly woman was in the stall next to me making such serious fireworks that I snorted while I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

I’m immature, but it was hilarious.

So, when you sit in the stall next to me, I freeze up.

And here’s what I do.

I count to 13. Slowly.

I have no idea why it works, but it does. If I can count to 13, I can pee. It’s not the most compelling confession, but there you have it.

Friday confessional: I’m becoming my grandmother

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . October 9, 2009 . 12:11PM

You never saw that one coming, did you? I’m 30 and I’m becoming my grandmother. Some back story is required here for a proper confessional.

Since I was little, my grandmother would be sitting in chairs and would just fall asleep in the middle of conversations. To my knowledge, she was never diagnosed with narcolepsy or any other sleep disorder. We laughed at her mercilessly and she’d tease us back by saying, “You just wait until you get older.”

That day has come. I won’t say where I was last week, but I’ll say I was sitting in a quiet climate where I needed to focus and I had some serious trouble staying awake. And I noticed that I was nodding off. Out of nowhere. And it’s happening more frequently.

Yep. It could be because I’m an insomniac. Or it could be because I’m turning into my grandmother.

You decide.

Friday confessional: People that sleep with their eyes open freak me out

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . September 25, 2009 . 10:34AM

It’s true. People that sleep with their eyes open freak me right the flip out in a major way. There are 2 people in my house that sleep with their eyes open, at times, and one dog. What this does is convinces me, almost daily, that they have died in their sleep and I must shake them.

The progression goes something like this:

I notice the person is sleeping with their eyes open.

I watch for a while to make sure there is REM (rapid eye movement), where the eyes move back and forth slowly to indicate that the person has entered deep sleep.

I make faces at the person to see if they are really sleeping or trying to freak me out.

I laugh because they don’t know I’m making faces.

They may not breathe for a second.

Their eyes stop.

Oh no!

Wait.

Are they alive?

I shake them hard.

They snort, roll over, and have no idea I just woke them up from REM sleep.

I sigh happily that I can no longer see creepy open-eyed sleeping.

It freaks. me. out.