Sometimes my dog hates me

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . October 4, 2011 . 5:30PM

As I type this, my favorite dog, Sophie, sits by my side gently licking my hands and distracting me from typing my blog. She lays her head on my chest, looks deeply into my eyes and I can tell that she wants me to know that she loves me and cares for me and won’t I just stop what I’m doing and love her a little back? You’d think this dog was never loved a day in her life, and yet she is spoiled beyond belief. She frequently gets snacks, pets, playtime, hugs and where does she sleep? In my bed. Under my blankets.

With that being said, Sophie is my shadow. Where I go, she goes. Jillian had a little dog whose fur was black as night, if Jillian left to go to work, Sophie was sure to fight. When I leave her, I can walk out the front door and hear the keening cries from the bereft “pea.” Yes, Sophie loves me.

Sometimes, though, all bets are off. One night last week, I was grumpy and tired and had grabbed my book to read before bedtime, as I frequently do. I lay down with my book and my small package of whole wheat peanut butter crackers and finally, finally managed to relax. As I munched my crackers, I read chapter after chapter. Chew, chew, chew, swallow, drink the water. Repeat. I looked up and there was my adoring little dog…with narrowed eyes, cocked ears and a look of pure envy. Her face said, “Give me those crackers and no one gets hurt.”

I had one cracker left. I was hungry, tired and needed my cracker. I slowly put it in my mouth and chew, chew, chew, swallow, water. Sophie looked at me, looked at the empty wrapper and stood up. She walked to the far side of the bed and turned her back to me. She refused to look at me or engage in any kind of cuddling. Yes, I’d just done the impossible: I’d made my dog hate me over peanut butter crackers.

The next day, I woke up to my dog nuzzling my hand and all slights forgotten. I got cuddles, hugs and sweetness. If only all relationships were so simple.

Unlikely motivation

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 2, 2011 . 3:01AM

As I came down the stairs, I could hear Sophie’s feet pad the floor as she “danced” in circles. She does this when she’s excited and it had been a more recent occurrence this week, more so than other weeks in the past because she’s had good reason to be happy. My dogs get plenty of exercise and trust me when I say that these little beasties jail-break my back fence on a regular basis. Sophie, in particular, is guilty of this, though, luckily, they confine their breaks to mainly the next-door neighbor’s backyard where they happily yap at the neighbor’s dog who barks mournfully back at them from his enclosed patio.

Lately, though, the weather has been nice and I have made the decision to be a more active person. As such, I have been making it a priority to find reasons to move my body. This benefits Sophie in that she sees me suit up in the sloppiest mom-gear you’ve ever seen, complete with ridiculous slouchy cap, push my headphones into my cell phone and slink out the door like I’m heading off to prison for the day.

Not Sophie, however. The minute I come day those stairs, it is on like Donkey Kong. So, this day, I could hear her start her own routine and I smiled.

I hit the bottom step and her little toenails began to click across the floor towards the door where her harness and leash hang. Water dribbled down my chin as I attempted to hydrate myself while not choking on the scent of the most obnoxious sunscreen ever and I watched her eyes dilate much the same way those of an addict do when they get a fix. Sophie jumped on the couch and begin to whine and do circles, which is her way of telling me, “C’mon, C’mon, let’s go.” As I placed her harness over her head, she gently lifted her paw through the harness on her own to hurry the process. I laughed and turned on the programs that I use on my cell phone that track my progress and give me tunes to listen to while I walk. During this short 15 seconds I thought her little head might explode as she pulled me towards the door. The other dogs looked at us with reproach.

We were met with a cloudy day as Sophie did her dancing circles down the steps to let me know how excited she was to be going on her walk. When I say she turned to me and smiled with a full set of teeth, I’m not exaggerating. She’s started doing this for the entire first two blocks of our walk until she starts to sweat and her tongue lolls out of her mouth and she realizes that walking is work. While I fiddled with my phone and walked uphill and downhill and all over the place, my dog did doggie things. She stared at the blue sky. She sniffed at birds who were bathing in puddles, but left them alone. She considered all forms of anything on the ground leftovers that she could potentially eat unless I caught her in time. This included worms, dead birds and bird poop. Other dogs were cheerfully greeted with a growl and then a playful yap and then promptly ignored. Squirrels, however…

Squirrels were to be chased with reckless abandon. By this I mean that squirrels were to be chased regardless of how hard I tugged and pulled on the leash and if that meant I fell on my backside because Sophie has twisted it around my body, then so be it. Squirrels were the enemy.

Also to be chased were men with their shirts off. Clearly, to dogs, this is a symbol of some form of aggression that will not stand. I had no idea this was the case until Sophie began to chase a half-clothed man and refused to stop until I almost fell into a street full of traffic and I screamed at her. This caused the half-clothed man to look at me like I was the one with the problem and to run even faster in the opposite direction. Sophie merely gave me her doggy grin and trotted back to me as if nothing happened.

Towards the end of our walk, we headed down the path toward home and Sophie cheerfully barked her recognition that we were near. This is the same dog that almost had a coronary that I wouldn’t take her on her walk quickly enough. As we edged toward our mailbox, she looked back at me and smiled her doggy smile. We were home and tomorrow would bring another walk.

There will always be squirrels out there that need to be taught a lesson.

1am convenience store run

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . March 19, 2010 . 10:43AM

Last night, Bryan and I were watching movies and passing the time. Lately, there have been a lot of things on my mind and my insomnia has been flaring. Since Bryan also hates to sleep at night, we decided to watch funny movies and pass some hours until our vampiric sensibilities would let us sleep during daytime hours.

After two movies, we realized the error of our ways. We had zero Mountain Dew and no snacks. This called for a run to the Mapco at 1am. The minute the dogs heard me ask Bryan if he wanted to “go” they went nuts. Molly stood by the door, Prue smiled like a madman, and Sophie started running laps around the living room. Each was trying to prove that she was the dog to “go.” Reagan, thankfully, was upstairs sleeping in bed with AJ. Bryan and I watched Sophie lap for a good 5 minutes before we decided that they were all cute. I am such a freaking sucker for these dogs.

This was my mistake.

A large, huge, gigantic mistake. I’m a sucker and I need to stop that.

I loaded the dogs into the back seat and Bryan jumped into the passenger seat. The one thing about late night trips to the nearest Mapco is that the people are always super nice to me. The store is neat and clean and they have a nice amount of food and drink. They aren’t paying me to say that. I really adore that place.

As I was there, I found a pen that had an adorable little onion-headed guy on a pen. I had to get it for AJ. I don’t know why he would want an onion-headed guy on a pen. I just know he’ll love it. Bryan was already checked out and ready to go while I was still browsing at the fountain drinks.

In my quest to become the “best mom ever,” I grabbed a 12-pack of Krispy Kremes for breakfast. When I got to the counter, the sweet cashier looked at me and said, “You know, if you go grab the ones in the case, they are fresh AND they are cheaper.” Oh, lady. You have no idea what you’ve done. She had to void my entire transaction while the man in the business suit (at 1am) rang up his 6-pack and rolled his eyes at me. I picked out sprinkled and iced and chocolate and filled and glazed and you name it. Some little guy is gonna be a happy camper today. Yes he is. AND those donuts were cheaper. I had one when I got home. They were so fresh. I’m gonna buy that cashier a car when I win the lottery. Well, when I play the lottery to win the lottery.

This is where things went wrong. I went to put the purchases in the car and Sophie, Mrs. “let me go let me go let me go let me go”, decided that when my hands were full is definitely the right time to bolt from the car. The other two dogs sat and watched her like she was a rockstar. She went running into the parking lot while I glared at her and threatened her in a hushed tone. Things like “Oh, you are so gonna get it” and “you are the worst dog ever” came from my lips and she disappeared UNDER THE CAR.

Under the freaking dinking car.

I thought I might shake her.

Eventually she came running out like the coward she is and I tossed her into the back seat where the other dogs licked her and kissed her like she was a war hero.

Freaking dog worship.

We were happily on the way home when Prue did it. Prue has the worst gas of any dog I’ve ever known. The windows were up and the weather was chilly. Bryan and I were happy to have Sophie back in the car and be heading back to more comedy with our snacks. Prue let one that was so gross that I think I got sick in my mouth. I popped the windows down and scolded her.

Molly is the only good dog I own.

But I’ll probably let them all “go” again.

I’m a sucker.