Road Rage and the Infinite Sadness

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . July 27, 2010 . 8:44PM

When you have a 9-year old in the car, it can sometimes be a necessary thing to be creative with what is clearly a mild case of road rage.

Yes, it’s mild. I didn’t run into someone’s car because he had an Obama sticker on it, though the thought has occurred to me as recently as earlier today. See, we were cruising along at 40mph in a 40mph zone, which is a little slow for me, but it’s the law and I always abide by the law. Ahead of me by about a quarter of mile, I see a stop light and a car that is just sitting there with a green light. Clearly, Chumbass (as her new nautical sounding name was for the ride) was not paying attention to the light and as we began to get closer, I began to panic. Chumbass finally paid attention to the light and inched her way through the green at a solid 10mph.

Did I mention that Chumbass had a huge dent in her left rear backside? Right next to her Obama ’08 sticker. Yep, this was not her first go round on the magic green light debacle.

What happens in this situation?

I say these words slowly, on the off chance that Chumbass has taken her eyes off the cellphone, donut, brisket or pen she has dropped: “Driiiiiiiiivvvvvveeeee Yooooouuuuuuuurrrrrr Caaaaaaarrrrrr Chhhhhuuuuummmmmbbbbbbaaaaasssss.” My goal in this is that she might read my lips and see that I was really concerned that she might not realize that hey, she’s driving a car, and remember to drive her vehicle.

In fact, my biggest comment in the car is “Drive your car” spoken slowly so the the other driver, who clearly cannot discern what I am saying, can understand me when spoken to slowly. From another car. Which may be behind them. Or far enough away that they can’t see.

However, like Obama, I have hope. For all the Chumbasses in the world.

Too long gone.

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . September 17, 2009 . 8:39PM

Everyone knows that I have anger issues when I drive. Kristin has mentioned that she misses driving with me and is reminded of this when she hears someone going off while driving. Baby on Board signs can send me over an edge.

However, I think that my time being out in the schools for my practicum is softening me up a bit.

Tonight, on the way home from school, it was lightly raining. One thing about Nashvillians that I can’t say anything positive about is the way that they drive in the rain. It’s like the grandfather Sunday driver who has taken his sleeping pills. It’s just that bad.

I was behind one such driver at a stoplight close to my home tonight. Generally, I’m in a rush to get home after being gone all day, but I was pretty mellow tonight. The car behind me wasn’t and, when grandpa didn’t get going, the person behind me honked LOUDLY and LONGLY. Is longly a word? Long-ing-ly is a word. I digress.

Normally, the point that the person honks at me is the point where I glare and start telling them all kinds of things in the privacy of my car. Tonight, I just looked at them and said, “I don’t have any idea why you are honking at me. I’m not the line leader.”

I’m not the line leader.

It didn’t even click for about 30 seconds what I’d said aloud.

Go ahead. I have no defense. Say what you will. I’m losing my edge.

Baby on Board: Or how car accidents are caused by outdated trends

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . June 2, 2009 . 2:55PM

The other day, I happened to be driving to work and was enjoying the morning. The rain that had been greeting us every day for the last several weeks had cleared, the sun was shining brightly, the clouds looked like the ones you see in children’s books (fluffy and round) and the weather was a perfect 72 degrees.

There are two things that are not a secret to anyone that knows me even a little bit:

1/I’m not a morning person. Really. I can’t even fake it when I give it the old college try.
2/I am prone to road rage when I feel like someone is a stupid driver. No, I don’t run people down or flip them off, but I will rant at them within the confines of my own car and it won’t be pretty, loving words.

However, this particular morning, I was feeling great. I was drinking my water and appreciating that I have the privilege of driving along a road that is almost entirely lined with trees for 20 minutes straight to go to a job I love with all of my heart and that I actually look forward to each and every time I go there. Life was good and I was happy.

Until…BABY ON BOARD!!!!! ALERT!!!! THERE IS A BABY IN THIS CAR!!! What this means is that I will frequently brake and jerk my car and you will be responsible for HARMING MY CHILD!!!! should you hit this car. I will weave in and out of a two-lane road and I may, without warning, brake for no reason! And you won’t know about it because my baby on board sign will be blocking the brake light in the back windshield and the brake lights will also be obscured by the sunshine! So, it will be an utter crapshoot as to when this will happen.

My good mood waned and irritation set in as it took everything I had not to use my cell phone light to start morse coding this person that her baby on board sign was blocking the only means I had to keep from driving directly into her trunk. I was carefully keeping my distance, but when I say this person was driving erratically, that is an understatement. I don’t know what the laws are about blocking that brake light, if there are any, but I know that it made driving near her (I’m assuming it was a her, but it could have been a man), very, very difficult.

Luckily, after about 10 minutes of this, she and baby drove off to irritate other drivers and I could proceed on to work. My good mood returned and the day turned out to be another fantastic one.

A more clever baby on board sign

I have to admit, though, if I’m being honest, that she may have conditioned me that people that use those signs have issues. If you want me to believe you care about your child, skip the sign and drive like YOU care about your child. Worry less about me and more about yourself.