Blueshelled » friday confessionals

Friday Confessional: I’m a water cooler

Jillian — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:42:52 +0000

This is a mini-confessional, but it’s a whopper and one I fully expect to hear about for years, so it gets its own post.

When I have to drink a lot water, and we all should, quite frequently, I do something odd: I pretend. I don’t just pretend that I have to drink water or I’ll die (duh!). No…

It’s more complex than that.

I close my eyes…

lift the bottle…

and as I tip it and hear it glug glug glug towards my throat…

I pretend I’m a human water cooler.

I can drink a full-sized bottle of water in about 15 seconds or less in this fashion. For someone who isn’t a water drinker, this has been the best possible use of my imagination.

What? Water is good for you. And so is playing pretend.

Friday Confessional: Public Bathrooms

Jillian — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:20:18 +0000

Alright, I have many neurosis, but I hate public restrooms. Most of you do, too, but not to the extent that I do. It’s not that I “can’t go” or anything like that.

I’m shy. That’s right. I’m shy.

I listen when you pee and I know you listen, too. Don’t pretend you don’t. It happens. There was one time an elderly woman was in the stall next to me making such serious fireworks that I snorted while I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

I’m immature, but it was hilarious.

So, when you sit in the stall next to me, I freeze up.

And here’s what I do.

I count to 13. Slowly.

I have no idea why it works, but it does. If I can count to 13, I can pee. It’s not the most compelling confession, but there you have it.

Friday confessional: I’m becoming my grandmother

Jillian — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:11:49 +0000

You never saw that one coming, did you? I’m 30 and I’m becoming my grandmother. Some back story is required here for a proper confessional.

Since I was little, my grandmother would be sitting in chairs and would just fall asleep in the middle of conversations. To my knowledge, she was never diagnosed with narcolepsy or any other sleep disorder. We laughed at her mercilessly and she’d tease us back by saying, “You just wait until you get older.”

That day has come. I won’t say where I was last week, but I’ll say I was sitting in a quiet climate where I needed to focus and I had some serious trouble staying awake. And I noticed that I was nodding off. Out of nowhere. And it’s happening more frequently.

Yep. It could be because I’m an insomniac. Or it could be because I’m turning into my grandmother.

You decide.