Today, I received an instant message with a link and the comment that I was going to be angry. I am. I’m very angry. The link was to the message entitled: “Stress Condition ‘Incapacitates’ Michele Bachmann; Heavy Pill Use Alleged.” As someone with chronic pain, I couldn’t wait to read what someone who clearly has not had this condition had to say about someone with migraines. What I knew I’d read was total misunderstanding and an attempt to smear a reputation based on half-truths and worthless reporting. I don’t care what you think about Michelle Bachmann as a person. I don’t. I don’t care what you think about her politics. What I do care about is someone misreporting facts about chronic pain and pill usage when it already has a bad rap. If Michelle Bachmann is popping pills like candy because she’s addicted and that impairs her judgment, fine, report it. It’s worthy and the public needs to know. If Michelle Bachmann has chronic pain, is managing it properly and using preventative and abortive methods with proper dosage to control her migraines, then this is ridiculous, alarmist reporting.

Back in 2006, Ben Affleck went to the hospital and endured months of ridicule for treating a migraine and the media freaked out. What struck me as odd about this is that many migraine sufferers will still work through a migraine and most of us, when we get to the point where our abortives (the medications that are used to attempt to stop a migraine when it has already begun) are ineffective, will head to a clinic to get a steroid shot and some phenerghan. Steroids are highly effective at stopping migraines and the phenerghan stops the nausea so we can get some rest. There is nothing unusual about Ben’s trip to the E.R. but the news was reporting it in a couple of ways. The first, as if he were a wuss. Anyone that has an inkling of a migraine knows that they aren’t for wimps. The second as if he were experiencing the worst pain ever and they’d hospitalized him to run tests. I don’t know what they did to him. What I know is that migraine sufferers do what they have to do to go on with life. They don’t generally want to lay in bed for four days if they can avoid it. In Bachmann’s case, the article states that she was hospitalized and released on the same day for migraines. Gee, I wonder what occurred? Could it have been, in the interest of saving herself a full day’s worth of work, she got the steroid shot and maybe an IV for hydration (another possible trigger of migraines is dehydration) and got back to work? Many migraine sufferers are type A personalities and get them because they work too hard, not because they are slackers.

Why is this an issue? Michelle Bachmann plans to run for President, according to the article, and “some” (who are these people?) fear she’s not up to the stress. Let me reiterate, yet again, stress is only one trigger. For some people, chocolate is a trigger. For some, sweeteners, others, the MSG often found in chinese food. Do you avoid chinese food because of unpleasant side effects?

Michelle Bachmann’s spokesperson states that she has her migraines under control. I find the “heavy pill use” notion preposterous. The first thing a migraine user considers when a doctor attempts to foist a new pill on them is how it will affect his or her migraines. My guess, if I had to make one, is that Ms. Bachmann is on a regimen that most of us chronic pain migraine users have. She likely takes a preventative medication daily that helps prevent her migraines (1 pill a day, generally). She likely takes an abortive pill as needed when the migraines occur (1-2 pills per migraine). She may take phenerghan (bless its little heart, 1 per migraine to make you not throw up while you ice your head). Tally it up, folks. This is 1 pill a day and possibly 2-3 pills (maybe a couple more depending on her personal regimen) as needed when she has an attack. This is relatively FEW pills for a chronic pain sufferer. If things are really bad, she’s already shown she will suck it up and go the route of getting it fixed quickly at the clinic. Granted, this is just my guess and I’m not her doctor nor do I know her personally.

Is perfect health now a requirement for the Presidency? Is it now a requirement for any job? According to the University of Maryland webpage (and this is a secondhand source from the American Chronic Pain Association), 86 million Americans experience chronic pain. Do we not elect our officials to represent us? Do we no longer allow people to run for office if they may have a handicap or something that may slow them down? Andrew Jackson, who some may know is not my favorite president, had chronic headaches. JFK had Addison’s Disease. Woodrow Wilson had a stroke, Roosevelt had polio and Coolidge was depressed.

Don’t think for one minute that our current President doesn’t have flaws. Don’t think that the other folks who may want to run don’t have flaws. Before you judge someone with chronic pain, especially someone who, by all accounts, is working hard to keep it under control, take some time to really consider what that person is going through and what they have to offer. I’m all for choosing the best person for any job, but discriminating against someone for something they can’t control, even if they can do the best job is unfair and wrong. Hating on them and calling them a pill popper because they don’t play for the same team you do or because you want someone to pay attention to your writing is ethically unfair and wrong. Write responsibly, folks and educate yourself before throwing someone under a bus.

Change who I am? Not get stuff done early? Procrastinate ON PURPOSE? I’m writing this blog over the weekend. I don’t procrastinate. That’s not what I do.

Be a little reckless. Do things I don’t normally do. Release the tension.

I have no idea how to not be high-strung, but I’m up for opinions.

Let’s also factor in the idea that mid-terms is in a couple of weeks and my diligence is of utmost importance during this time of year. However, I was reminded by her that if I have the kind of migraines I get, I can’t study, let alone drive to go to school, work, or practicum.

Frackingstackingsonofamonkeyloving.

You get where I’m going.

I need to destress.

And I need to do it now.

And I need to do it quickly.

Because I must get back to my old self as quickly as possible.

I may have missed the point.

After a fitful night of sleep, I woke up and got dressed and SHELL I had a migraine.

Leon was going out of town, so we decided to meet for lunch. On the way there, I bumped the side of my tire rim on a parking block. SHELL

I had an hour between lunch and a doctor’s appointment, so I went to the dollar tree for a little non-harmful retail therapy. I actually needed some toilet bowl cleaner (WOOO!), so it was productive. Until a woman in the cheeseball aisle walked directly up to me and burped in my face. And not a polite, oopsy burp. A full on sailor belch. I almost vomited. SHELL

When I got to the doctor, I sat in one of the 30 available seats and an old man came in and sat right next to me. Within 3 minutes, I heard a nasty noise, felt a small vibration on the connecting seat and it began to stink really, really bad. Then it happened again. And again.

The old man next to me was pooping in a diaper. Right next to me.

He turned to me and grinned.

He did it on purpose.

SHELL

More stuff happened, but I think that pretty well takes the cake.

When I picked up A.J. from school, we went to Sonic. I got a Route 44 (super huge) Sweet tea and got him a shake. I needed it.

If anyone feels the need to come sit right next to me, when there are 30 available chairs and burp in my face or poop, they can go shell themselves.

I have a pretty stellar work ethic (thanks, mom!), so I worked through the migraine on Monday and was going to attempt class Monday night. Nope, it wasn’t happening. Besides being dizzy and afraid of driving, the thought of throwing up in front of my classmates (ala 1st grade fears) didn’t appeal to me. Mmmm nothing says loving like your classmate hurling chinese at ya.

So, I came home and slept for the better part of two days. My family is pretty empathetic, though, all the way down to the dogs. Ever since we got Molly, this is her reaction to my migraines. It’s almost an “I’m so sorry you are dying like a dead cow” face. I think she’d shoot me to put me out of my misery if she could. Thank God she can’t. Who does she think she is to make my choices for me? Living will my white pillsbury biscuits.

A..J. is also sensitive, since he suffers from migraines as well. It almost killed me the first time I realized he was having one. There is nothing like the feeling and realization that you have passed something harmful on to your child through your genetics. As he screamed, I cried silently next to him and held his hand. So, when I have them, he gets the ice packs and checks on me frequently.

To celebrate the end of this “2 day bender” as we shall call it, A.J. decided to take a shower, which is one of his favorite things to do. Not only did he take a shower, but he was busting out the tunes. None of which I can identify. When I was a child, I made up my own tunes, and he does too. They often revolve around how incredibly awesome he is or how no one understands him or how they didn’t understand him until after the meteorite hit him and he was dead and it was too late and how they were all very, very sorry for not listening to him and giving him candy and letting him stay up as late as he wanted. That’s my sweet little self-absorbed baby.

Sometimes, it’s just good to have things back to normal.

Yesterday, I was reading a blog from one of my co-bloggers, Dad Gone Mad. He was talking about his first migraine and how he only thought he knew what they were about until he’d had one himself. I think this is true about many things, including mental illness—the idea that until you experience it first hand, you really have no idea what you are talking about when you write it off as something that someone should be able to pull himself or herself out of or “suck it up.”

I don’t remember my first migraine, but I remember when they started. I was about 6 months pregnant and, like many of my current maladies, all began with the amazing hormone change that was brought about by one of the loves of my life, AJ. AJ just happened to go with me to my last neurologist appointment, which was, incidentally, my first appointment with this particular neurologist. When he asked when they started, and I replied that they occurred when I had AJ, the neurologist showed a wicked sense of humor, turned to AJ and said, “Ah, so it’s all your fault, then?”

Well, yeah, maybe. Or, maybe I was predetermined to have them as I got older. I don’t know half of my medical history, so I’m missing an important link as far as these are concerned. My mom has only had them for the last few years, but I started mine in my early twenties.

It could be because I’m more tightly wound than most. My levels of stress and anxiety tend to be through the roof. I have to moderate myself carefully to keep them at a manageable level. It means that I have to be very self-aware to avoid a meltdown. I’m usually successful. For me, that is. But stress isn’t my only trigger. Rain, stress, not enough sleep, too much sleep, waiting to long to eat, too much sugar, not enough sugar, msg and caffeine are all triggers for me too. Count noise and light in as well. I’m a sensitive little bugger.

I’ve pretty well given up caffeine, except for chocolate. Don’t ask me to give up chocolate. I rarely eat it as it is, but I won’t give it up completely. Since I’ve been eating more healthfully, my migraines have decreased to about once a month when they were at 3-4 per week. I consider that a success.

There is no doubt they are debilitating. When I’ve got one, I’m not going anywhere. I’m sick to my stomach, with an ice pack on my head and in bed with my Duder dog, who is sensitive to my moods and will not leave my side when I have a migraine. I may lay there for 2 days completely awake, but in pain. I have to give up weekends with my family and even work during them, at times, if I can. It’s been termed chronic pain and just like any other chronic pain it doesn’t truly go away for good. It’s always there. Lurking. Like those bad pictures you took in the 8th grade that you know someone will find and put on Access Hollywood if you were to ever become famous.

I’m just learning to manage it. I’m sorry that Dad Gone Mad had to experience what he did. I’m grateful, though, for one more person that truly understands what the experience is like and has more empathy, however.