Mother’s Day 2010

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 8, 2010 . 5:58PM

As most mothers will tell you, the homemade gifts are the most amazing, loving, generous and heart-breaking we will ever receive from anyone, ever. Most of us would not trade these colored, glued masterpieces for the most expensive piece of jewelry you could offer us. Children, as they get older, begin to provide information as to their true feelings about their mothers. I am lucky enough to have a child who shares my inability to wait when sharing gifts. Yesterday, I received a book that he’d made at school. Completely bound and made with love by my 9-year old, AJ.

Some of the comments were just heart-breaking and beautiful…and some caused me to raise my eyebrow. All spelling errors are AJ’s.

From page 3… (my commentary is in parentheses)
Just right (????)
Important (awww)
Legendry (mmmhmmm)
Lovable (my little sweet one)
Inaccessible (what? Does he mean in a “can’t touch this” kind of way?)
Awesome (truly)
Neat (well, we know he doesn’t mean in the vs. messy category)

From page 7….

His favorite time with Mommy
My favorite time with mom is sleeping with my mom because we get to spend time with each other. We get to do it Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It’s nice to sleep with my mom. (Ok, I swear I’m weaning him off of this. He’s just having trouble adjusting to recent events. I can only imagine what the teacher thought when she saw this paragraph. I literally put my face in my palms when I read it.)

From page 10….

A list of Mommy’s best attributes:
1. Nice
2. Kind
3. Generous
4. Smart
5. Loves me
6. Listens
7. common (WHAT? OH NO HE DIDN’T. COMMON? WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?)
8. Accuracy
9. Gives advice
10. Comferting

From page 14: If I had a millione dollars I would buy her a golden car. (Exactly what I’d want if he had a million dollars).

Page 19: (Perhaps the one I’m most proud of) When I’m a parent, I will read like my mom.

But the bottom line is that Mother’s Day is about how we feel about each other. AJ says:
My mom is nice.
She does homework.
She likes me.
She looks like me.
She sounds like me.
She smells like perfume.
She always loves me.
My mom is kind.

That’s my boy.

Happy Mother’s Day, y’all.

As the child grows…

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . November 11, 2009 . 10:49AM

When AJ was little, he had mad empathy. When other babies would cry, he would wail like crazy. This has never left him and I’m inclined to believe it’s part of his temperament. He’s always been the caretaker in this house, and I think it’s because he sees that when one of us is sick, we all take care of that person. It is how we handle sickness or sadness or stress. Since he was very tiny, he would play the nursemaid when Leon or I was sick. I still remember him fetching me lukewarm water in the bathroom cup when I was nursing a migraine because he’d seen Leon bring me water for my aspirin. I believe he was as young as 3 when he started.

When Leon or I am sick, he hates to go to school and when he is here, he will bring ice packs, aspirin, wet washcloths and as many hugs, kisses and cuddles as we will take. There are many nights that he went to bed on a Friday night at 7:30 because I was sick with a migraine and laying there. He would lay next to me, patting my hand, and would eventually drift off.

There is a certain sense of guilt that comes with having chronic pain–that burden that you place on the people around you. The feelings that you may have of feeling like less of a person some days often express themselves at the weakest moments and not always in the best of ways. They often present in anger, misery or irritability. AJ is immune to that when someone is sick.

This isn’t to say that he doesn’t have his egocentric “me me me” side, because he certainly does, but it has never been as strong as I expected. And I’m watching him shed it rapidly and sooner than the developmental scales predict and I wonder about the kind of man he’ll become, and how quickly it will happen. Will I ever be ready for it? People keep telling me to have more children. My guess is that they recognize that there is so much love within me for this little guy that it breaks me.

I worry less about it when I see that I haven’t done an awful job and that my health issues haven’t affected him so dramatically. As he was going to bed tonight, he kissed my cheek, hugged me tightly and said, “I hope you feel better tomorrow, mama.” Then, he gave me the dimpled grin that melts my heart and he and his hoppy little weiner dog went to sleep.

Somehow, I think we’re all going to be alright…

Why a small children’s party is as good, if not better than a large party

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 24, 2009 . 4:21PM

Today, I was reading Jen’s blog (which, if you haven’t read it, you should) on her child’s birthday party and the quandary she is in due to the creativity of her son and his having invited most of the school and the neighboring 3 counties (my author liberty) to his birthday party.

When I finished reading I laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed. Better her than me, I thought to myself. Jen will likely defriend me at this point, and rightfully so, as I should be commiserating with her, but in the age of Chuck-e-Cheese, I’m just thankful I didn’t get roped into this particular dilemna.

AJ has never had a large party. When I go to adult parties, other parents are very quick to judge me when I state this fact. The response is usually a tightening of the lips, a shake of the head and a “but, don’t you think he’s missing out?” or some equally insane statement. If you just relaxed your lips, stopped shaking your head and closed your mouth, then we need to talk in a very serious way.

As a toddler, a big party would have been more for the adults. Consider the statement “Aw, look at all the cute little ones in their cute little pointy hats and their faces all smooshed with cake. Isn’t it precious?” That cute, precious, pointy party would have cost about $200 and he would have ended up with a bunch of presents that would have put people out of grocery money. For the $200, we could buy him presents and those people could buy their groceries. So, we chose to have small parties, spend less than $25 (usually) on a party for him, us, family and close friends and spend a bit on presents (not $200, for the record).

As he gets older, now 8, we still don’t do big parties. This year, we asked what he would like to do on his birthday. He chose to see a movie. That gets expensive with many people, so the compromise was that he could choose ONE friend to take to the movie and then we’d do the bells and whistles for them: ANYTHING they wanted from the snack bar and they got to pick any G rated movie they wanted to see. You would think they died and went to high fructose corn syrup heaven. Before the movie, they went to the McDonald’s and ate dinner and played in the playland for two hours. AJ said it was “the best birthday ever!” and so did his friend.

By keeping his party expectations low, we don’t have to worry about upsets. Sure, he like attending birthday parties, but he also is an introvert who likes a small get together, too. He’d rather have presents and get to do whatever he wants on his day than a 2 hour party.

Another family we know did something similar. They did the big Chuck-e-Cheese party, but they invited family and they allowed their child to choose one kid to come as a guest (AJ) and so they saved money on tokens and all the extras and the child still got the special feeling that a kid gets from doing all the birthday stuff at Chuck-e-Cheese.

To Jen, what about doing a lollipop lottery? Get some dum dums and whoever gets the dum dums with a mark on them gets to come to your 3-4 person party? To everyone else, I’m just glad I’m still worrying about this kind of thing instead of beer parties.

Overachievers anonymous: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . May 4, 2009 . 10:50PM

On Friday, I was lucky enough to get to pick AJ up from school and he was lucky enough to be a “car rider” that day. With my going to school and working, this happens, at most, once a week or every two weeks. It was raining heavily and the pick-up line was long. I’d forgotten my phone and was trying to be content with making the other moms and dads laugh by singing Bryan Adams “Heaven” at the top of my lungs, complete with hand movement and shoulder shaking.

As I waited for AJ, I watched as the teachers pulled out their umbrellas and personally escorted the little ones to their waiting cars. It occurred to me how NICE a gesture this was, especially considering how all of us selfish parents were just sitting in the cars being content to let the children we love get a little rained on in order to stay comfortable ourselves. What? Rain makes the flowers grow. Surely it won’t hurt a child. The teachers, however, were so considerate and I remembered how much this school means to me and AJ, yet again.

For the first two years of his education, we struggled. He had difficulty focusing in class and learning to read was just about the end of everyone’s sanity. When we moved into our home, however, he switched schools (same district, though) and we found magic. A new teacher with infinite patience and the capability to help him learn in ways that no one was able to before now. Immediately, the same child who, until now, had struggled with putting 3 words together in a book, was reading 90 page books in an evening. He was doing his homework and was one of the top spellers in his class. I recently got his progress report and he’s grown by leaps and bounds this year. All because one teacher cared enough to figure out how he learns. If you get a good teacher, encourage that teacher. We need more of them.

I’m off topic, though. When AJ got into the car, he asked if I had a pencil. I knew what he was up to and told him that I didn’t and his homework would have to wait until we got home. AJ comes from a line of overachievers. His grandmother just got her Bachelors degree and has always worked hard at every job she’s ever had. I don’t ever feel like what I’m doing at any job or school is ever enough and, thus, I get my work done early and do a little extra. AJ is the third in the line of high expectations. When we pulled into our driveway, he’d conjured a pencil and I saw him with his homework, held up to the window as a flat surface, finishing up.

We need a support group. The apple didn’t fall from the tree.

Never forget: My Best Easter ever, thanks to my 8 year old

by Jillian @ http://blueshelled.com . April 12, 2009 . 7:51AM

Sometimes I manage to get it right. I often think that I’m an ok mother. I’m not downing my abilities as a parent, but I see all of those “super moms” and I do tend to wonder how they have the energy for what they are doing. Short of uppers (please pull your panties out of the wad I’m certain they are in, I’m not implying they are drug addicts), I have no idea how those people do it simply because I can’t. I tried the stay at home mom thing and failed miserably. I was sad and unproductive and Adrian sure wasn’t happy. However, that’s a topic for another time. Today, I managed to do something right and that alone is cause for celebration.

This is the part where, if little believing eyes are around, you ask them to go away for about 10 minutes. Why you are letting little believing eyes look at my blog, I have no idea because this is an adult blog.

Last night, AJ was away from home at a sleepover that he’d looked forward to all week. When I say looked forward to, I mean that when I told him he could go after dinner, he was trying to get us to eat dinner at 2:30 in the afternoon. At 7pm, he was allowed to leave and when I say he practically flew out the door and down the street, I don’t think I’m exaggerating too much. As such, Husband and I had nothing to do.

Can I communicate what a rare occasion this is? The last time Husband and I have had time without AJ was for Husband’s Christmas party, which was 2 hours. Prior to that it was my birthday dinner, which was 2 hours and prior that that, it’s beyond my memory, but it was likely something similar. A whole night is unheard of for us and while we were thrilled we were also….well, bored. What do you do when you are used to only doing kid friendly things? Bar hopping? We aren’t the type. Clubbing? I currently have a bum knee and Husband won’t dance if I pay him (and I’ve tried paying him). Toilet papering the neighbor whose motorcycle keeps waking me as he drives to work at 4am? Well, you know we’re in a recession and toilet paper is expensive. We decided to take advantage of the opportunity to actually pick out his basket together as opposed to the whole “I’ll run to the store and pick it up, you stay here and keep him busy, routine.”

Those that know us personally know that we have been on a journey of “healthful eating” that leads to eating properly and restricted caloric intake 6 days a week and anything we want one day a week. AJ has done well with this and is actually quite a stickler for the rules. He’s never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny (again, another topic for another time), and since Saturday is our “eat what we want” day, we decided that we’d let him have his basket early. The dilemma here was what to get him being that I was not going to allow him to go into sugar shock after restricting his candy/soda intake for 4 months. This is what I came up with:

There are a lot of personal stories behind the items in this basket, but I was looking for a small mixture of decent candy that he can eat over a long term period and enough sugar that he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out. The items I included were items that AJ has expressed interest in over the course of about a year of shopping. Overall, I spent about the same amount as I would have on a candy basket and this is mainly stuff he can use again and again. I also don’t feel guilty about giving him a little bit of candy and then telling him to eat healthy meals this way. Husband and I patted ourselves on the back for our ingenuity and waited to see how AJ would react.

He came home tired from his sleepover, but happy. I explained the situation about how Easter is tomorrow and everyone else would be getting things tomorrow, but that since his free day was on Saturday, it might make more sense for him to get it today. However, if he didn’t want it today, that would be fine and it was his choice. AJ’s a rational little guy and said “Gimme the basket.” At first, he didn’t understand that the bucket WAS his basket. When he did, his expression was hilarious. He kept going through the items saying “this is the best Easter basket ever” and “I will never forget this day.” He’s a little melodramatic. I don’t know where he gets it.

The fun wasn’t over, though, as Husband had decided that we were all going to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D after some necessary afternoon shopping and a leisurely dinner. I’d never seen a 3D movie and I was pretty excited about the whole thing. When we got to the mall, I found jeans (in a smaller size! YES!) and an adorable old-fashioned looking dress that I’m looking for excuses to wear. One place we always stop at is Brooks Brothers because Husband has become something of a BB addict. Look, if he won’t take the first step and admit it, I’ll do it for him. I’m assertive that way. They were having a sale and while he and I looked at things, AJ made friends with the salespeople. He really did. He talks to everyone. He made friends with the man fixing our central heat the other day, too. He loves people. I couldn’t hear what he was talking about, but saw him talking to the man and looking at the women’s jewelry and asking questions.

As we were about to leave, he asked me to try on a bracelet to see if it would fit because he wanted to buy a bracelet for “someone special” with the money he’d gotten from his grandmother for Easter. After having me try on about 20 bracelets, he chose one that was so tight on me I think it cut off circulation. AJ is a loving little guy and I wasn’t sure if this was for me or for someone at school, but either way, it was far too expensive for anyone and he didn’t need to buy it. I tried to be sneaky and said, “AJ, you know I don’t wear pearls, right?” Total lie. I do wear pearls, regular pearls, not the ones with silver that he’d chosen. He winced and said, “But I want to buy these for you! I’m going to buy them for your Easter present. I want it to be special.” Husband looked at him and mentioned that if I wanted the bracelet that we had the funds to purchase it and AJ didn’t have to spend any money to buy me a bracelet. AJ looked at him like he was dumb (I’ll admit, I do that a lot to people and it’s not a good trait) and said “I have money and I want to buy it with my money so it will be special.” Leon had him ask me if it’s the bracelet I wanted and I pointed to one that wouldn’t require an amputation of my hand. I thought that the extra $2 it cost might deter him because he tends to be thrifty with his money. Not today. He had his heart set on this.

My 8-year old bought me a silver bracelet from Brooks Brothers so I could have a special Easter present “just like his.” With his own money. All the money he has. He insisted upon carrying it out of the store and said, “Mama, this is for you. Happy Easter.” I hugged him tightly, got choked up and kissed the top of his head. He grinned at me and whispered, “You’ll never forget this day, will you?” No, AJ. I will never forget this day.