Women, we do stupid things for beauty. You’ve probably gathered that women and beauty and womanhood are something of a theme for the last couple of days, but this is the end of the road for it, at least for a while. I know that I do something stupid for my looks at least weekly.

One example? My eyebrows.

I was born of a yeti. Mom, I’m not calling you a yeti, I swear. Please don’t take back my Christmas presents. I’m just saying you adopted me from a yeti because I have a unibrow that makes grown men cry. It’s true. If I neglect this baby, I make muppets look like they wax. So, I have 2 options: waxing or plucking. Neither of them are appealing. I’m not going the electrolysis route. I’m just not. Yes, I’ve heard of threading. I don’t want to scream at the person who is doing my brows, so I’m going to pass.

Let’s talk about some of my eyebrow experiences.

How about the one time the woman almost pulled my face off.

Yes, it actually happened. My friend Kristin was there. This took place around 2002 and it was around the 2nd or 3rd time I’d had my brows waxed. The wax was bubbling. This is not a good sign. This is not how wax is supposed to be when you are going to put it on your face. The woman who was to do my brows was busy cutting hair, so another stylist said she would do it.

This is never a good sign.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 and never, ever let someone pinch hit on your brows.

When the wax went on I could feel my skin bubble and tears welled in my eyes. It was then that I knew I was in trouble. She tugged and I could feel the blood. I was young and didn’t realize that I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. ALWAYS SAY SOMETHING. She then WENT OVER THE SAME SPOT AGAIN. I left with burns.

For beauty. Oh, I left looking like something, that’s for sure.

Let’s go to this earlier this year.

I was getting my brows done again. Look, I told you, if they aren’t done I’m a yeti. The woman was clearly not concentrating and the wax was thin and runny. It ran down my brow and into my eyeball.

Women are stupid for beauty. All I can say is that I hope men and other women appreciate it.

Already, I’ve had the fantasy about his wedding and it’s not a pretty picture for me. It starts with me bawling throughout the ceremony, objecting that she’s not good enough (though she’s going to be a peach, if his tastes now are to remain the same) and ends with me attached to his legs and him dragging me down the aisle with them–him trying to kick me off like an uber-friendly dog who thinks he wants to be frisky.

No. It’s not pretty.

So, when I make comments about ways I think parents might consider allowing children to grow up, just a little bit, believe me when I say “I get it.” You don’t want your baby growing up too fast. However, there are some things in life that are too cruel to allow, even when you want that small bit of control and forcing your child to have a unibrow because it’s “too grown up” to fix it, isn’t kind. I’m talking to you, Madonna. I’m talking to my own mother, MOM. And I’m talking to every mom out there that thinks their baby looks cute when their baby looks like a yeti. It’s not funny. It’s not nice. And it’s not winning them friends or helping them socialize.

At 20-something, I deal with the small animal on my forehead every 2-3 weeks. Mine needs to be taken care of right now and while my personal grooming isn’t your business, I want you to know that this plea for help is a personal one. I remember, vaguely, children making fun of my unibrow as I was growing up. My repressed memories will only let so much come back to me, bless their hearts. What’s scary about this is that I didn’t understand what the problem was. I didn’t realize that my brows were an issue or why. To say I was sheltered was an understatement.

I grew up on a farm and it’s not like anyone ever said “Your brows are nas-tay!” When we moved, puberty frowned further on me and it all went downhill. Part of being a parent is helping to properly socialize our children. If you are down with the naturalistic approach, that’s cool. At least educate your child as to what is happening and allow them the choice. If you want to be in charge and say “No, I’m not going to allow it” that’s cool, too. Explain what’s happening, explain why you aren’t allowing it and allow your kid to have their say. And listen to it and consider it. If you still feel the same, explain that, too.

It’s not often I give advice, but as an adult who lived it, take it from the yeti: if our childhood has to be more complicated because of a decision you make, at least let us understand why.